Merajuk..

When we have reached certain age our feeling is playing a sensitive game. In my case, I become more perceptive and my mind speaks more than my mouth. In many occasions even in meetings, I keep my mouth shut because I do not see any importance in giving opinion. People I am dealing with know what they are doing so let them be.

However if I have played my part in coaching and mentoring them, I assumed that they would pay me certain respect.  Not that I wanted to be given special treatment but at least do not humiliate me and worse put me in sad situation.

I knew that this headmistress would hold an event where she would present her ideas in a special program. I received a letter asking for my presence in the event. I presumed that it would be no problem since that I came to the school quite often as I was the coach. I quickly finished my coaching with another head and headed for the mosque for Zohor prayer. I drove to the school as to attend the event within 30 minutes. When I reached the hall, all  chairs are tagged with guest names. It was clear that the administer had a specific and limited guests list. I looked for my chair..it was none. It was quite embarrassing with me looking around for my chair since that I THOUGHT I was one of the important person for that event because I am the coach. Later I learned I received the invitation letter because they actually invited someone else. Apparently he could not come, so I was only supposed to sit on his chair as a replacement.

I was very sad. I could not sit on that chair and pretend that every thing was all right and keep smiling. This time I followed my heart. I walked out from the hall before the event started even they tried to cajole me to stay. My heart sank, and I felt so humiliated. Was I too sensitive? I did not think so. Such a carefully prepared event..and if I was not wanted in the first place, better I leave. In the car driving home I could stop the tears from spilling my face. I wiped it away all the way home because I did not want my husband notice it.  It was my first bad experience with my new job. I refuse to go again and this time I will take care of my own feeling.

My partner said I was too sensitive and that was just a small matter. However, the same thing happened to him recently. This recent incident was a big blow to him..a MAN he is but still he experience the sadness like I used too..feeling terrible. I did not want to return his words to me before but yeah..now you know how I felt that day.

Till then..