Thursday, August 10, 2017

Saying Goodbye..with heavy heart

When I received the letter, finally, my tears began to fill up my eyes. My subordinates cried. My students kept on asking..why do you have to go? Some sent me sad texts telling me they did not want me to go..

Actually, my heart sank. I did not want to go but I HAVE to go considering the facts that my body could not take the pressure of travelling far every day. My leg..especially my right leg is continuously in pain. My check up at the clinic confirmed that diabetic was the reason, that I have to take medicine daily, that I need to control my food intake ( no more sweet tooth) and that I need to exercise to lower down the sugar level in my blood. Whew! Well, I obeyed even sometimes I missed following the doctor's order. I can say I felt better after that, but still my run - down body could not accept the routine of driving  the way home after work. Many times when driving, my eyes telling my fact begging to close them..just for few seconds to rest. Luckily my mind said...stop it! Wake up! You are speeding! Later I sang songs..I talked loudly to my self, I set the radio to the maximum volume..just to stay awake. However, still I felt sleepy. I knew Allah was kind to me by making sure that I was safe every day but this could not continue. I need to stop driving every day before any thing bad happen. And now it was the time. I HAD to go.

For the last 2 weeks before the movement, I spent many hours of walking around the school compound. I enjoyed every second, trying to plant every single picture in my mind.. I kept on telling my self, these were the last two weeks of me being a teacher, a headmistress.. Later I would not be addressed as teacher, I would have no students, I would loose all the privileges as the head administrator...I would loose all. 

On the positive side, my ordeal of travelling every day, driving ever day finally stopped, if not forever. This new job still needs me to drive, to travel but not every day and not to the same destinations. I broke the record even on the first week it self by going to the school deep inside the jungle, on 4 wheel truck, meeting the teachers who were dealing with the impossible trunk road every day. Suddenly, I felt I used to be blessed with much better option going to work when I was a teacher before. I was lucky. 

I spend more time with Aurora and my family. It is a huge release of pressure and my body is not aching like before. I am better even not in all aspects because deep down I still miss my subordinates, miss my walking around the school, miss the noise..miss the food..miss the warm smiles of people there. 

Thank You Allah the Greatest Planner. To You I surrender all my longings and all my wishes. And only You decides the Best.

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