Happy New Year..

People usually celebrated new year with going out the whole day, enjoy the light of the busy city and watching firework. Some just stay at home like me. I spend the last day of 2010 by doing spring cleaning and scrubbing the toilet sparkling clean. Later cooking curry mee..an uncommon dish at my home. My husband is a orthodox Kelantanese where rice is a must in every meal. Well, I cook nasi lemak in the morning and I am tired of eating rice every day.

The curry mee turned out delicious and my hubby ate a lot. I was surprised. He did not say anything..puji jauh sekali..but I know he likes the food when he eats a lot. So it's okay with me because I learn that words are not really important..action is.

Happy New Years to all. May Allah bless us with His compassion and grant us good health so we can perform our duty as His mankind.

Panic

Started from Monday we had meeting everyday. I was exhausted...physically and mentally. My body ached all over and my head throbbed until I had a long and painful migraine. I took panadol several days but to no avail. Finally I went to see the doc and I had to take a very strong painkiller. Now it is a bit better but I try not think too much..not overuse my mind..then it will be better..I hope.

Meeting.. a long and tiring talk. How I hate such thing but I had no choice. I had to strain my ears and paid attention as there were to many things to do in such a short time..some of the things are new in my organization so we have to work harder this year. As for me, besides having a new boss with many new ideas, I too have a new baby..who needs more attention everyday.

Last night, Aurora did not sleep well. I gave her milk before I went to bed but at 1 am she woke up and refused to sleep after that. That's is okay for me as long as she is fine. But last night was a different story. She cried and cried every time I and her dad put her down on bed. We tried to make her comfortable..I put some oil on her tummy coz I know it was due to wind. However it was useless. She still cried and cried. We couldn't sleep at all. I was helpless..panic coz she was never like this before. It was prolonged until morning..I couldn't sleep at all. I gave her warm bath at 7 in the morning and quickly prepared myself get ready for work. When I left home she was still moaning and tired due to lack of sleep. Pity her but I had to go to work since this morning I had another important meeting.

During meeting I kept thinking about her so I smsed my daughter. She replied saying Aurora was still crying. Then Aurora's dad call and asked to come back and get Aurora to clinic. I excused myself and rushed home. I was driving like mad..so worried..

At the clinic it was packed with patients. We had to wait nearly one hour. Finally when it was our turn the doc said my baby was okay but her tummy was full of wind..too much until the doc said it was like a storm rumbling in her small tummy! Pity my baby..no wonder she was crying all night. But I could'nt understand why she had a bad case of wind? We took a really good care to make sure she did'nt get wind but it still happened. After a good dose of medicine Aurora went to sleep..finally..

I was tired running here and there but as along as my baby and my other family members are fine and healthy it was worth the effort. The only thing is..sometimes I forgot that I and my body need to be taken care off too. I have to..they all need me..

At home..resting

Came back from kl yesterday. We had planned to stay few days more in kl but I didn't feel relax. Finally after only one night there, we went home. KL is not for me. I can't relax there. I just shopped for few things, brought my kids to eat, visited some relatives and the rest of the days stayed in hotel room. How could I walk around with a small baby to handle. Pity Aurora, she didn't feel comfortable lying in the stroller all the time. It was also difficult for me nursing her. So, the best thing to do is to go home.

That's what we did.

At last..I can rest

I had been working hard this couple of weeks and finally today I submitted the work to be printed. That's it..at last the task is done even I am not completely satisfied. Well I can do a better job but I hate last minute order..here and there...from the boss. Please..career is not everything for me. Yes, the boss can order me to do anything and perform my very best in the office but when I am at home stop calling me and sms me with new task ..new change..new thing to put in..pathetic okay.

So starting this evening no more typing for me..so I can just enjoy myself for few days before the school reopens and I will be busy with the kids schooling. When I tried to open Nenek Penne blog, it has been privatized..I couldn't enter..so sad. I miss reading her blog..so net please invite me eh..

Today PMR result was out and my son who had been waiting anxiously for it had gone to school with his ayah to get it. I was waiting at home..when he reached home, he entered the house and went straight to his room..I knew it was a bad news. Yes, he got 7As and one B..B for BM. BM????? Somehow I suspected his BM would flunk. My son is better in English than in Malay. So,sometimes he surprised me by using a bombastic English word even I was at awe. He was sad but he was sadder to fail his ayah's expectation. He loves his stepfather so much and looks high to him. Well I told him 7A's is good enough. He worked hard for it I know. When he sat for PMR I was in the hospital delivering Aurora..may be it disturbed him when he knew his mother was not at home to give him support for his big test.

As for me I thank Allah for being so generous to me. True I was a bit frustrated when he didn't score straight A's because I knew he could do better but it's okay.I thank to Allah for this happiness.

Tomorrow I am going to Kl for holiday and stay there for few days. Finally I am off to have a short break with my family. Thank God.

The way I am..

The sunset today

I have been working hard to finish my task. I set up a dateline (deadline?)for me to finish editing and do my last check up before presenting it to the boss. My dateline is today. Sadly I can't meet up my dateline..still long way to go. But my mind, my fingers,my eyes ..my whole body refused to continue working. I need rest..desperately..and here I am..resting..hehe

I was in my office this morning when one of my colleague came in. I could not afford wasting my time chatting but then it was hard to say no..and some company is good for suddenly I felt lonely. So we chatted while my fingers continuously typing and editing. She popped up a question on why I work so hard when others are holidaying.My answer is simple..its my work..and I want to finish it quickly so I can go home quickly to be with my family. She continued..one day I will be a boss too, then I don't have to work hard and can just simply order someone to do things for me. I told her that I don't have such ambition..I have everything I want in my life now. I have a car..not as expensive and big like others but enough for me..a house even not a bungalow..a career even not as the boss..and the most precious is my family..and my newborn baby..enough..

I had a miserable time of my life..nearly 10 years of my life wasted by being a wife to my ex-husband. He had never respected me..respected the marriage..the family he had when he was with me. I had suffered a lot because of him...lost my dignity..felt the worst..yes..he managed to put me at the lowest level of being a woman..lost my respect and confidence.

So now, after all had passed behind me, I consider myself lucky to be able to get back my self-respect and built my life back from ashes. That is enough for me..that is happiness even I don't have the luxuries like others. I am happy the way I am. That makes my colleague quiet. That is my answer.

Work and work..

Been working hard this last few days. I am exhausted.I need a break desperately..logging to go out..have fun..do some shopping..cut my unruly hair..and eating ice cream..hmm. I can do all those above except the last one. My lover boy really against me eating ice cream..well no yet. He is very concern about my health. It looks like I am going to eat ice cream in my dreams..

I don't care..tomorrow I must go out to town..

Aurora is two months old

I went to office in the morning but rushed home at mid day to cook. After a quick lunch Aurora's Dad drove us to clinic for her routine monthly check up. Today December the six marks her two months of age and the doc gave her the injection. Unfortunately a few minutes before our turn to see the doc, my baby had her poo poo..aisey...So we rushed to the car and quickly changed her diaper amidst the drizzling weather. I ended up a bit wet.

Coming back from the clinic I was so tired. Not feeling well because of the rain. Sometimes I forgot that I am still weak after delivering Aurora. I should slow down my pace.I want to do everything like I used to do before. However my body tells a different story. I don't want to get sick.So,I went to bed early but could not sleep well. I woke up and went to sleep many times until I could not stand it anymore. I went to kitchen and ate..abis la diet..dinner at 1 o'clock in the morning..bagus la sgt tu..hehehe. And now on my lappy until what time I do not know..hmm

I wonder what is the reason for my sleeping disturbance.. I know something is on my mind..but what?

My girl has grown up...

When she is just 8 years old..

And now she is thirteen..with few pimples on the face. My daughter has grown up to be a sweet, petite beautiful girl. I love to go through old photos to see her development...love to see she has grown up well. She is like noisy little tweety..talking nonstop excitedly. After coming back from school everyday she would quickly throw away her 'tudong' and comes straight to my room. She will sit on the bed and starts her report of what happen in school that day. I will always listen attentively coz I know she likes to tell stories and since I am the only one who can withstand her chatter. I too make her my best gossip friend since I am not really keen going out with friends and I don't have time to do that too. We will continue our chat in the kitchen until we finish cooking. She loves cooking with me and helps me to make sure dinner is served on time. My lover boy will come to check on us when he hears we laugh and joke aloud. He always mumbles..wonder what are we talking about..? My son will always answer..ladies talk la ayah..we can't understand...hahaha

We will continue our chat in my room until she sleeps next to me. Later my lover boy would pick her up and carry her to her room to put her to bed. That's the routine every day..My lover boy loves her so much. And gives in to her demands and needs anytime and every time. I can't imagine the day she will leave the house to continue her study somewhere and one day will get married and go far...My God..how could I bear the separation because we are so close.. Now I think I need my children more than ever. Not so much hugs and kisses...but the underlying love ties us together and grows stronger..

Worried

This last few days I don't feel comfortable. There are so many things in my mind..workload in the office ( I am getting really bored..), thinking about my "kenduri akikah" soon, my baby's appointment to clinic this saturday..etc. Well, those things are not really stressing but somehow I am worried..over worried..I wonder is there any other reason which I do not know or will come later that really will make me stress? I hope not..please God..

My Aurora has established special contact with me. Whenever she cries,her cry would immediately stopped when I picked her up and talking tenderly to her. She will look at me intensely as if thinking..this is my mom..and she loves me..She loves warm bath and sleeps soundly later. Wakes up twice or three times at night so at least I managed to get enough rest. She has put on weight and getting taller. Nearly two months had passed but I feel it was only yesterday she was born. i love you so much dear..so much..

Not looking foward..

Few days to go before my confinement leave is over. So lazy thinking going back to work..old routine..wake up early, getting ready to work, minding the heavy morning traffic..meeting, discussion..ohhh so tiring. Now, it will be more backbreaking tiredness with new baby to take care..I cant hardly imagine myself doing all that after been relaxing for two months. Sigh..adoi laa

My new boss has started giving me job even before I officially start working. I dread that my new boss will be more bossier than the previous one. I feel I need something to boost my motivation to work such as new wardrobe..new pair(s) of shoes,new makeup..waaaa..everthing new..then I will be happy going to office..hehhe

I started to drive again after nearly 10 months driven everywhere by my lover boy. Yup..he refused to let me drive after seeing me collapsed during the early months of pregnancy. Later I could not drive coz my tummy was huge it reached the steering wheel. My lover boy has to let me drive with my daughter to keep me company (or to chaperon me actually..he does not trust me..hehe..I think Kelantanese man is like that).

I was typing this entry with my baby snoring softly next to me..looking at her sleeping melt my heart. So sweet..I guess I want to join her sleeping. Nite..