Happy New Year..

People usually celebrated new year with going out the whole day, enjoy the light of the busy city and watching firework. Some just stay at home like me. I spend the last day of 2010 by doing spring cleaning and scrubbing the toilet sparkling clean. Later cooking curry mee..an uncommon dish at my home. My husband is a orthodox Kelantanese where rice is a must in every meal. Well, I cook nasi lemak in the morning and I am tired of eating rice every day.

The curry mee turned out delicious and my hubby ate a lot. I was surprised. He did not say anything..puji jauh sekali..but I know he likes the food when he eats a lot. So it's okay with me because I learn that words are not really important..action is.

Happy New Years to all. May Allah bless us with His compassion and grant us good health so we can perform our duty as His mankind.

Panic

Started from Monday we had meeting everyday. I was exhausted...physically and mentally. My body ached all over and my head throbbed until I had a long and painful migraine. I took panadol several days but to no avail. Finally I went to see the doc and I had to take a very strong painkiller. Now it is a bit better but I try not think too much..not overuse my mind..then it will be better..I hope.

Meeting.. a long and tiring talk. How I hate such thing but I had no choice. I had to strain my ears and paid attention as there were to many things to do in such a short time..some of the things are new in my organization so we have to work harder this year. As for me, besides having a new boss with many new ideas, I too have a new baby..who needs more attention everyday.

Last night, Aurora did not sleep well. I gave her milk before I went to bed but at 1 am she woke up and refused to sleep after that. That's is okay for me as long as she is fine. But last night was a different story. She cried and cried every time I and her dad put her down on bed. We tried to make her comfortable..I put some oil on her tummy coz I know it was due to wind. However it was useless. She still cried and cried. We couldn't sleep at all. I was helpless..panic coz she was never like this before. It was prolonged until morning..I couldn't sleep at all. I gave her warm bath at 7 in the morning and quickly prepared myself get ready for work. When I left home she was still moaning and tired due to lack of sleep. Pity her but I had to go to work since this morning I had another important meeting.

During meeting I kept thinking about her so I smsed my daughter. She replied saying Aurora was still crying. Then Aurora's dad call and asked to come back and get Aurora to clinic. I excused myself and rushed home. I was driving like mad..so worried..

At the clinic it was packed with patients. We had to wait nearly one hour. Finally when it was our turn the doc said my baby was okay but her tummy was full of wind..too much until the doc said it was like a storm rumbling in her small tummy! Pity my baby..no wonder she was crying all night. But I could'nt understand why she had a bad case of wind? We took a really good care to make sure she did'nt get wind but it still happened. After a good dose of medicine Aurora went to sleep..finally..

I was tired running here and there but as along as my baby and my other family members are fine and healthy it was worth the effort. The only thing is..sometimes I forgot that I and my body need to be taken care off too. I have to..they all need me..

At home..resting

Came back from kl yesterday. We had planned to stay few days more in kl but I didn't feel relax. Finally after only one night there, we went home. KL is not for me. I can't relax there. I just shopped for few things, brought my kids to eat, visited some relatives and the rest of the days stayed in hotel room. How could I walk around with a small baby to handle. Pity Aurora, she didn't feel comfortable lying in the stroller all the time. It was also difficult for me nursing her. So, the best thing to do is to go home.

That's what we did.

At last..I can rest

I had been working hard this couple of weeks and finally today I submitted the work to be printed. That's it..at last the task is done even I am not completely satisfied. Well I can do a better job but I hate last minute order..here and there...from the boss. Please..career is not everything for me. Yes, the boss can order me to do anything and perform my very best in the office but when I am at home stop calling me and sms me with new task ..new change..new thing to put in..pathetic okay.

So starting this evening no more typing for me..so I can just enjoy myself for few days before the school reopens and I will be busy with the kids schooling. When I tried to open Nenek Penne blog, it has been privatized..I couldn't enter..so sad. I miss reading her blog..so net please invite me eh..

Today PMR result was out and my son who had been waiting anxiously for it had gone to school with his ayah to get it. I was waiting at home..when he reached home, he entered the house and went straight to his room..I knew it was a bad news. Yes, he got 7As and one B..B for BM. BM????? Somehow I suspected his BM would flunk. My son is better in English than in Malay. So,sometimes he surprised me by using a bombastic English word even I was at awe. He was sad but he was sadder to fail his ayah's expectation. He loves his stepfather so much and looks high to him. Well I told him 7A's is good enough. He worked hard for it I know. When he sat for PMR I was in the hospital delivering Aurora..may be it disturbed him when he knew his mother was not at home to give him support for his big test.

As for me I thank Allah for being so generous to me. True I was a bit frustrated when he didn't score straight A's because I knew he could do better but it's okay.I thank to Allah for this happiness.

Tomorrow I am going to Kl for holiday and stay there for few days. Finally I am off to have a short break with my family. Thank God.

The way I am..

The sunset today

I have been working hard to finish my task. I set up a dateline (deadline?)for me to finish editing and do my last check up before presenting it to the boss. My dateline is today. Sadly I can't meet up my dateline..still long way to go. But my mind, my fingers,my eyes ..my whole body refused to continue working. I need rest..desperately..and here I am..resting..hehe

I was in my office this morning when one of my colleague came in. I could not afford wasting my time chatting but then it was hard to say no..and some company is good for suddenly I felt lonely. So we chatted while my fingers continuously typing and editing. She popped up a question on why I work so hard when others are holidaying.My answer is simple..its my work..and I want to finish it quickly so I can go home quickly to be with my family. She continued..one day I will be a boss too, then I don't have to work hard and can just simply order someone to do things for me. I told her that I don't have such ambition..I have everything I want in my life now. I have a car..not as expensive and big like others but enough for me..a house even not a bungalow..a career even not as the boss..and the most precious is my family..and my newborn baby..enough..

I had a miserable time of my life..nearly 10 years of my life wasted by being a wife to my ex-husband. He had never respected me..respected the marriage..the family he had when he was with me. I had suffered a lot because of him...lost my dignity..felt the worst..yes..he managed to put me at the lowest level of being a woman..lost my respect and confidence.

So now, after all had passed behind me, I consider myself lucky to be able to get back my self-respect and built my life back from ashes. That is enough for me..that is happiness even I don't have the luxuries like others. I am happy the way I am. That makes my colleague quiet. That is my answer.

Work and work..

Been working hard this last few days. I am exhausted.I need a break desperately..logging to go out..have fun..do some shopping..cut my unruly hair..and eating ice cream..hmm. I can do all those above except the last one. My lover boy really against me eating ice cream..well no yet. He is very concern about my health. It looks like I am going to eat ice cream in my dreams..

I don't care..tomorrow I must go out to town..

Aurora is two months old

I went to office in the morning but rushed home at mid day to cook. After a quick lunch Aurora's Dad drove us to clinic for her routine monthly check up. Today December the six marks her two months of age and the doc gave her the injection. Unfortunately a few minutes before our turn to see the doc, my baby had her poo poo..aisey...So we rushed to the car and quickly changed her diaper amidst the drizzling weather. I ended up a bit wet.

Coming back from the clinic I was so tired. Not feeling well because of the rain. Sometimes I forgot that I am still weak after delivering Aurora. I should slow down my pace.I want to do everything like I used to do before. However my body tells a different story. I don't want to get sick.So,I went to bed early but could not sleep well. I woke up and went to sleep many times until I could not stand it anymore. I went to kitchen and ate..abis la diet..dinner at 1 o'clock in the morning..bagus la sgt tu..hehehe. And now on my lappy until what time I do not know..hmm

I wonder what is the reason for my sleeping disturbance.. I know something is on my mind..but what?

My girl has grown up...

When she is just 8 years old..

And now she is thirteen..with few pimples on the face. My daughter has grown up to be a sweet, petite beautiful girl. I love to go through old photos to see her development...love to see she has grown up well. She is like noisy little tweety..talking nonstop excitedly. After coming back from school everyday she would quickly throw away her 'tudong' and comes straight to my room. She will sit on the bed and starts her report of what happen in school that day. I will always listen attentively coz I know she likes to tell stories and since I am the only one who can withstand her chatter. I too make her my best gossip friend since I am not really keen going out with friends and I don't have time to do that too. We will continue our chat in the kitchen until we finish cooking. She loves cooking with me and helps me to make sure dinner is served on time. My lover boy will come to check on us when he hears we laugh and joke aloud. He always mumbles..wonder what are we talking about..? My son will always answer..ladies talk la ayah..we can't understand...hahaha

We will continue our chat in my room until she sleeps next to me. Later my lover boy would pick her up and carry her to her room to put her to bed. That's the routine every day..My lover boy loves her so much. And gives in to her demands and needs anytime and every time. I can't imagine the day she will leave the house to continue her study somewhere and one day will get married and go far...My God..how could I bear the separation because we are so close.. Now I think I need my children more than ever. Not so much hugs and kisses...but the underlying love ties us together and grows stronger..

Worried

This last few days I don't feel comfortable. There are so many things in my mind..workload in the office ( I am getting really bored..), thinking about my "kenduri akikah" soon, my baby's appointment to clinic this saturday..etc. Well, those things are not really stressing but somehow I am worried..over worried..I wonder is there any other reason which I do not know or will come later that really will make me stress? I hope not..please God..

My Aurora has established special contact with me. Whenever she cries,her cry would immediately stopped when I picked her up and talking tenderly to her. She will look at me intensely as if thinking..this is my mom..and she loves me..She loves warm bath and sleeps soundly later. Wakes up twice or three times at night so at least I managed to get enough rest. She has put on weight and getting taller. Nearly two months had passed but I feel it was only yesterday she was born. i love you so much dear..so much..

Not looking foward..

Few days to go before my confinement leave is over. So lazy thinking going back to work..old routine..wake up early, getting ready to work, minding the heavy morning traffic..meeting, discussion..ohhh so tiring. Now, it will be more backbreaking tiredness with new baby to take care..I cant hardly imagine myself doing all that after been relaxing for two months. Sigh..adoi laa

My new boss has started giving me job even before I officially start working. I dread that my new boss will be more bossier than the previous one. I feel I need something to boost my motivation to work such as new wardrobe..new pair(s) of shoes,new makeup..waaaa..everthing new..then I will be happy going to office..hehhe

I started to drive again after nearly 10 months driven everywhere by my lover boy. Yup..he refused to let me drive after seeing me collapsed during the early months of pregnancy. Later I could not drive coz my tummy was huge it reached the steering wheel. My lover boy has to let me drive with my daughter to keep me company (or to chaperon me actually..he does not trust me..hehe..I think Kelantanese man is like that).

I was typing this entry with my baby snoring softly next to me..looking at her sleeping melt my heart. So sweet..I guess I want to join her sleeping. Nite..

"Rumah teres jer? Ingatkan...."

The above title of my entry tonight is actually an unfinished line uttered by one of my colleagues in the office. She was asking me the direction to my house. I was explaining to her about the house I just bought.. a terrace house located ten minutes drive form the small town I live now. Well..the above line was her respond. Her unfinished sentence is somehow lingers in my mind until today. And I feel downgraded just because I dont stay in a bungalow like them.

True.. I am not rich. I admit the salary I get every month is higher than them but they do not know I have loads of bills to settle..the first house loan, the second house loan,the car loan, house expenditures, giving money to my old father..children bla bla..Not even once I feel bad on spending money for my family.I know its my responsibilities.And I am not like them who like to show off their big cars, big bungalows, expensive furniture...Yes..it is a fight among them to build the biggest house than others. Well..not me..you can build 4 stories bungalow and see if I care..

My house is not just a small house..it is a home where all I ever want in my life are inside.

A man with a few words..

My son is 15 years old and now waiting anxiously for the PMR results to be released soon. He is always helping in the kitchen whenever I am cooking..washing plates, cutting the onions or just simply watching me and my daughter preparing dishes. He is the opposite of my talkative daughter who can speak nonstop for hours..until my ears nearly dropped..hehhe

Today,while he was watching me cooking, I tried to make him talk more..he is turning into a young man..and soon there will be another woman in his life..and I dont want to loose him.I said to him..I wish you will marry a lady who can cook well..He smiled and simply said..No I wont get married..I replied..Yer lah tu..you are in love yet. What he said next put tears in my eyes..Mak, you are the only woman..without you I cannot live..I was deeply touched by his words..and I cant believe he is so matured and could utter such beautiful lines.Yes..he speaks very little yet his little words are so wonderful and amazed me sometimes.He is truly my son..the sun in my life..

Happy Birthday My Love...

Picture from Google

From inside my car I saw a tall and lanky man walking towards me..he had long straight hair that brushed his back..thin and hollow eyes..My heart skipped a beat..he was finally here..he looked different from the photo he sent me..Yes..he was my date and that was the first impression I had on him...hmm..not actually my taste..hehe..but I have loved him long before we actually met..

After that it was all history..we finally got married even some of his family members were strongly against it. I managed to fill up his stomach and make him gained some flesh to hide the skinny bones of his, to force him to cut the long hair short and cleared the acnes on his face..but failed to make him stop smoking ( I am still trying). Another failure is I still cant get a decent and satisfying answer from him to my question...why do u love me? He keeps on giving the same answer even I tricked him many times.The answer is... because I love him. The reason I asked him the boring question is because until now I cant understand why a bachelor, a quite good looking young (younger than me) man who could get a more beautiful and single girl to marry, could fall in love with me. I was a single mother, with two young kids, not so beautiful face..older than him..when he proposed I cried of disbelieved and thanked Allah for finally granted me a man who loved me the way I am and wanted me to share his life...

He is not rich..we just managed to live comfortably but he loves my kids and shows it in every possible way he can. He touched my heart many times when put the children first everytime..he is a better father to my children more than the real father..and I think due to his kindness to me and my children, The Almighty finally granted him with a baby of his own who is two months old already. It was for me a miracle because I had two miscarriages before this baby was born..

My love..a long entry about you but still not enough for me to say all ... I do love you so much and everyday I thank Allah for this happiness..for making you my husband and I want to stay being your wife even in the next world..

Hand in hands we have travelled

in all the seven continents of this earth

but none as wide

as my love for you

Together we have voyaged

on all the seven oceans

but none as deep

as my love for you..Bius..

To do or not to do...

Aurora and her dad..

It has been a busy week.. many visitors came to my humble home..many things happened..many stories (gossips) exchanged and now a decision to make..that is to do (follow order from the new boss) or ignore the order (can I?)...sigh..

I despise myself being a middle person..

My boss is not quite happy with 2 couples (husband and wife) working in the same building. So my boss asked me to make a written report to be presented to the headquaters about the two problematic couples. As a boss of course that is an order for me but I trully hope that this matter does have to go straight to the HQ. I think my boss should monitor the two couples first rather than making a drastic move to misjudge them or to transfer them away. And I know my boss surely have listened to other source of info whom dislike the couples and wanted them to go away from this office.

What should I do? As a subordinate I should follow orders..but as a person I do hope there is another solution to this..I keep thinking what if I was the one targeted?

I will have to do some shopping tomorrow..to buy something for my lover boy..soon it will be his birthday..what to buy? And what to cook for the nite special dinner? Hmm..

Human..the most exasperating creature

I always overlooked my instinct..ignored it many times..but everytime it proved to me that instinct is always correct..

I set a "date' with my old boss to settle some unfinished business. I felt uneasy having a date with him so I called a friend to keep me company..but later spent last many hours contemplating my actions since I didnot feel good about that..I have always admire my boss but no more than that and certainly would never want wrong interpretation from others..

So today I was hoping all went well..my meeting with him was solely about business..but some stupid creatures turned it into juicy gossip..I hate people who keep on stabbing other people backs..always finding faults of others and always looking for a cold war...? Why keep on having negative attitude? Life is short..enjoy it. Since I got pregnant and now delivered Aurora I always avoided talking bad about others..just want to enjoy life...others seem unimportant already.Even now when I nearly reached the peak of my career but it seems meaningless compared to my happiness with my newly found joy...

If I have a lot of money or marry a rich man..I would have stopped working a long time ago..but then it is only a wish..

Horayyy...I am free!

My love..Aurora


Finish my confinement last Sunday..and start cooking all fav dishes all over again. My mother passed away 10 years ago (this Aidil Adha marks her ten years...she passed away performing Hajj)..my eldest sister taking care of my nieces away in Johor..my mother in law is too old to take care of me..so finally I take care of my baby and myself during confinement..yes..sad..but that's life..

Had a mild (hehehe) fight with my lover boy..I felt he did not show enough concern and care enough during my confinement...well..he still managed going out with his friends and leaving me alone taking care of my baby..haishh..manyak hensem..

But frankly speaking he is forever like that..does not really show love..moreover being romantic..jauh sekali..but I know he loves me..he shows it in his own way..

My baby...7 weeks old...and still unpredictable sleeping time..hope by the time I start working again that will change...

Talking about going to work again..I have a new boss..a lady....hadaoiii la

23 days old..

She is 23 days old..with all problems and black eyes ( lack of good nite sleeps )...my love for her grows everyday..deeper and deeper..I love u my Aurora..love u so much...

My bundle of joy

It has been two weeks already..and my dear baby is two weeks old..I cant forget the day when she was born..it was a memorable day and out of sudden everything happened so fast and by midnight 6th October last week she was taken out of my womb. When the nurse asked me to identify the sex of my baby and I said " a girl"..the nurse put her near ,my cheecks...so soft..immediately I fell in love with her...I love u so much sayang..so much..

I was mesmerised by her face...sitting and looking at her for hours and hours...does not bore me..same with my hubby..now he fully understands how to fall in love with two women..how strong and possessive the love is...

Dear Allah..thank you so much for this bundle of joy...we are very grateful..thank you..even it was very painful the labour process..I am willing to be cut a thousand time again and again when finally she is mine..thank you again Allah..

Thinking..dreaming..planning

Been sitting almost 2 hours on my bed doing all those..but no results..I was thinking of packing my clothes in a bag (to be carried with me on the appoinment day with doc on the 6th next week)...didn't achieve this task yet...dreaming of good old day and happy memories....well..so far my dreams interrupted by anger and sadness towards my lover boy now (sigh)...planning to cook special dishes for lunch today...won't happen coz I refused to open my locked room now...

To avoid readers from being dizzy reading the meaning between the lines...I had a fight ( no...a "merajuk" case with my strong- headed lover boy...eee...geram tul la..