Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Al-Fatihah for my Ayah..

I could not focus on my work on that day. My brother sent message that day saying that my Dad was admitted in the public hospital near his home in Pasir Gudang, Johor. That night I told my husband to go and have the car serviced the next day because I would like to travel back to Johor on Thursday. The next day, I was really restless..called my sister and we decided to go to Johor that night itself.We could not wait till the next morning to start the journey because me and my sister were already crying.

We arrived around 3 a.m in my brother's house and after breakfast the next morning we went to see my Dad. He looked sick and so frail laying motionless on the hospital bed.  I took his hand but he screamed out of pain. Even his skin could not be touched. He just woke up from dialysis. He was tired. He said he was thirsty so I gave him some milo. I saw him taking some porridge but not much. That were the last two things he ate. The next day he was on coma. On Saturday my brother received a call from the doctor asking all of us to meet up. The doctor explained the options. To do dialysis with the risk that his heart might stop halfway through the process or just to let go and wait for his time. I managed to display my controlled emotion during the discussion but when we broke out our decision to the doctor, I chocked and my tears dropped. I told the doctor we opted the second option but please let him go in peace..and in no pain. The doctor promised he would make sure my father would be most comfortable waiting for the moment.

Early Monday morning, I kissed his forehead and said, I love you Ayah..and I went back to my brother's house. One hour after that my sister called.. Ayah had passed away at 1.30 a.m.

We went back to the hospital..and waited during the process and finally at 11.20 a.m Ayah was finally rested in Tanah Perkuburan Islam Cahaya Masai near Pasir Gudang.

I cried hard when I received the news that my mother passed away in Mecca performing Haj in 2000. I cried hard too when I received the news that my eldest sister passed away in her sleep in 2014. Both I did not have the chance to wait by the bed side but with my Dad, I saw when he was well, the next day in comma..and the next thing taking his last breath. It kept playing in my mind again and again. I cried but this time more the inside crying..deeper.

Ayah, I have lost many important people in my life but this time I felt different. When you are gone, I felt closer to Allah because never I forgot to ask Allah to forgive you and us all. Finally you arre reunited with Mak who had gone too seventeen years earlier.

Al- fatihah..

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Stress or what?

A mental illness is a condition that affects a person's thinking, feeling or mood. Such conditions may affect someone's ability to relate to others and function each day. Each person will have different experiences, even people with the same diagnosis. 

Some of the more common disorders are depression, bipolar disorder, dementia, schizophrenia and anxiety disorders. Symptoms may include changes in mood, personality, personal habits and/or social withdrawal. Mental health problems may be related to excessive stress due to a particular situation or series of events

Those are the definitions and symptoms of mental disorder.  Sitting in this office especially this unit, I came to know many people who come here for counseling  or disciplinary action due to their mental disorder cases. Some are genuine but many are just simple taking advantage. They may be  have little "uneasiness" of their minds  ( we all do ) but they just "feed" this attitude to make it rampant and finally became a nuisance to their organization thus needed to be called down to this office for counseling. These people argue a lot during counseling even though they are in fault but somehow continue to deny that their actions are bringing problem to the heads of their organization. They can talk..really talk big. They never accept their faults..they blame others. Luckily I am not the counselor...poor man he is. He had to put up with this kind of people and are supposed to "cure" them. However when you have reached the age of 40 or even 3 months before your pension, it will be futile to counsel them. They cannot embrace the word "change".

In my case, I have known this lady for nearly 6 years. She continues using an excuse that she has this bipolar disorder thus giving her the licence to provoke people, to insult her administrators, to chid her bosses, to downgrade her colleagues, to spread hatred and lies on her FB. Every time she was called to clarify her action, she would say its her "other half" did that, blaming others not to understand her and even after spending 24  hours in local lock up for spreading lies about her colleagues,  could not slow her down. What an exasperating person I have ever met in my life. 

I believe no one could run away from being tested by Allah. Some are given financial problem, some are having marriage problem, some problem due to children of their own, due to all kind of sicknesses, some having problem in work place, some with parents or sibling...the list will be on and on. However, for me, please come back to our nature of our creation. Allah creates this world as a test to see which one from all of us pass with flying colour results or fail miserably. I am writing this with fear that Allah will test my words. Nevertheless, the best solution is come back to Allah, the right path, even though it is difficult to proceed at first, because at the end of the road, there will be some thing good waiting for you. Believe me, its worth it.

Till then.


Tuesday, November 21, 2017

I am proud of little girl

One compulsory event before the school ends  must be the Prize Giving Ceremony to mark and to appreciate the best students of the year. Those students can be from academic excellent, co-curriculum or even to grant those who had given or had serve the school as prefects, librarians or simply had shown improvement in all those areas.

Thursday last week, I managed to excuse my self to come home early from a meeting to attend
Aurora's Prize Giving Ceremony in her school. We were excited since Aurora has been a quiet child, not a very active student in school (her teacher said that she seldom talks in class) and performs a pretty bad grade for Bahasa Melayu.. she got C for Writing and Comprehension. Something I had predicted earlier..However she performs well in Science, Matemathics and scored excellent results in English, both Writing and Comprehension.

Well, I was surprise when the class teacher gave out a letter inviting us to come to the ceremony. Aurora gets excellent results for English thus will get a prize on that day.

Such a simple ceremony, simple prize but means a lot to us. I saw my husband's face light up and beaming with happiness and proud. His baby and mine finally grown up to be a clever and a good student. I do not care much whether she gets prize or not or even performs bad in the exams but what makes us happy is to see her growing up to be like other children..mixing well with friends and enjoying a part of her happy childhood years.

Thank you Allah for giving me this beautiful gift ever in my life. Thank you.

My baby..
The present


Monday, November 20, 2017

The road to happiness..

I went for a short trip to Kuala Tahan with office mates for team building activities. We started at Friday mid nite and we were supposed to reach Temerloh for Subuh prayer and later proceeded to Kuala Tahan, checked-in in a motel there. Later that afternoon we started the activity of  boat ride to visit the Orang Asli settlement there. It was afun and enjoyable trip. The boat ride was terrifying  since it was going on top speed, the water was high and they tried every possible way to make us wet..all over.  That night we had jungle walk and before we called it a day,we had barbecue, karaoke and had a good and exhausted sleep. The next morning we walked and climbed thousand of steps in the jungle to reach the Canopy Walkway.The walk was tiring but the climb was impossible. I managed to finish the climb with few pit stops. When we reached the canopy eerie feeling..acrophobia came seeping into my heart. It was so high up the trees. Somehow we managed to finish the activity with some of us caught leeches, the blood-sucking creatures. Whew..I was lucky I did not catch one, or in better words the leeches did not catch me. I put the best clothes I could get and sprayed my feet with Bygon. The said that was best remedial.

The trip was fun but I had a heartache on something else. The friend who sat next to me in the bus and later be my room mate in the motel was a pitiful wife and mother. Sitting next to her, I overheard hundreds of calls from her children left at home with the husband, who did not wish in the first place, to look after the kids...5 of them. I overheard the children complaining that they were hungry, that there was no food at home, that the children failed to wake up the sleeping father to buy food etc. That night in the motel room, the children called again and again..until I was tempted to tell her that she should not come to this trip leaving the kids with this useless (pardon me) father. However, later she spoke about the he abuses her physically (beating her, dragged her after she was beaten) during her pregnancy, how he keeps tracking the friends she is mixing with (asking the wife to video - called every time...he wanted to confirm the wife is in the same room with a lady (me) pathetic and he stopped working , being jobless (because he is lazy) and jealous husband, and together with the abusive mother-in-law have been torturing her many and many years and..the saddest thing is how he rapped her without considering her emotional distress and physically beaten...Oh My Al Mighty God, how and why did this thing happened? I was speechless..and suddenly I felt how miserable her life is now. And I do not want to add more salt to the open wound. She has suffered enough.

She told her stories, crying and asking me should she get a divorce? I was quiet. I told her I could not say, get a divorce..but the time would come when you could not take it anymore. At that time you will get the courage, the will to set things straight. Now, just go ahead taking care of your kids,your family as best as you could..keep the highest level of perseverance as possible..keep your faith in Qada' and Qadar, and one day Allah will tell you what to do, provide you the courage and bravery to move you to take whatever action needed and will help you all along the way to happiness..