Monday, August 28, 2017

And love is...

My best friend came to visit us last weekend. We were supposed to go for a wedding invitation but I decided to cancel it because of her sudden social call. I had missed her so much and for so long and for so many times I had been inviting her to come to  my house. She came for few times to my house after we parted around 9 years ago. She used to be my colleague in my old office. She bought an apartment in Sentul, moved there after a terrible case of broken heart and painful love affair. my buddy. An Indian lady few years older than me but calls me 'kakak". " Oh why should you called me "Kakak"? Once I asked. She said .."You are old okay". She laughed. "No la..due to respect". True...I respect her and so does she to me. She came to spend the nights with me which shocked many people of her race and mine. People around here are quite bias about being 'close friend' of different races which for me is nonsense. I accept her the way she is..and I continued being her closest friend even in difficult times such as when her own people bad-mouthed her, taking advantage on her and caused her so much pain and sorrow. And she took care of me and my children when my first husband abused me, beat me thus caused a terrible ache in my heart for many years.

The sad ordeal was the same for both of us. All because of men. The only thing that was different last time was she was jilted by one stupid and inconsiderate man I had ever come across and me by my ex husband. And now the only different is I am married and she stays single.

My husband picked her up at the bus stop and brought her home. When I saw her coming out of the car, I could see she was getting older, thinner and unhappy. After our dinner we talked for a while and she went to sleep. The next morning we had breakfast and when preparing lunch we had a long talk. I really missed talking to her. We used to be so close when she was working here but due to busyness and distance, we seldom speak through phone. She has finished her duty supporting her nieces in became doctor, the second girl an army officer and  one more girl working in Sabah. All because of her good deed. She is free now to do whatever she wishes but still she considers her family as the first. She has been  taking care of her brothers' daughters after they died in tragedies. She is a very good auntie to them.

She was in love with this man and had been waiting for him for 2 decades. She broke her engagement with another man whom was her family's choice. It was all because of this man had promised he would marry her. She was lured to believe that this man could not live without her and later waiting more than 20 years for the empty promise. Finally this man married another lady and my friend came to know about this when the wife delivered their baby. I hate this story. I saw the man few times but I had never guessed that this man was playing a fool with my friend.

It was one of many sad encounters of my friend with men. When I got married,she was skeptical of my husband. She was worried that I was making the wrong decision but when seeing me and the children happy after 11 years, she said she was glad that I decided to marry again after the first unhappy broken marriage.

I am lucky. Some are not. One of them is Mani. Nowadays, even there is one man interested with her and had asked her hand in marriage a few times, she decided to stay single forever. I tried to coax her..."Please, I want to see you wearing a wedding sari..." " Its okay, I will wear one to show you but I don't want to get married now. May be 10 years ago, I would love the idea, but now I feel nothing. I am happy the way I am now. I will stay in my father's house in Taiping with my family after pension. I do not want a man now." I am quiet listening to that..staring at her empty face. Dear friend...I wish I could say something to make her feel better but there is too much pain in her heart to make her bitter. And I understand her too deep...silence is wiser.

We promised to visit each other, then after lunch she caught the train back to Taiping carrying some of my home made chocolate cake for her family and... bringing my heart too. Friendship is beyond age...beyond race and religion..beyond time. She will forever be my best friend... even if I die and there is no family to take care of my children, I entrust them to her. I believe she will take care of them and love them like I do. I trust her with my life. And that is love..


Friday, August 18, 2017

My new project..

Since I have moved to this new work place, I have an ample time to write. I was thinking on starting a new project for the office..still browsing for ideas..However it must have to do with sharing experiences on education, the best  practices done by others or any other useful information worth published in terms of journals or small diary.

While thinking hard, I am polishing my talent on writing something in my own blog. May be I need to contact Sha, the writer. May be she could give me some ideas then.

Till then..

Aurora..her recent trip to Genting Highland. See how tall she has grown up..

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Saying Goodbye..with heavy heart

When I received the letter, finally, my tears began to fill up my eyes. My subordinates cried. My students kept on asking..why do you have to go? Some sent me sad texts telling me they did not want me to go..

Actually, my heart sank. I did not want to go but I HAVE to go considering the facts that my body could not take the pressure of travelling far every day. My leg..especially my right leg is continuously in pain. My check up at the clinic confirmed that diabetic was the reason, that I have to take medicine daily, that I need to control my food intake ( no more sweet tooth) and that I need to exercise to lower down the sugar level in my blood. Whew! Well, I obeyed even sometimes I missed following the doctor's order. I can say I felt better after that, but still my run - down body could not accept the routine of driving  the way home after work. Many times when driving, my eyes telling my fact begging to close them..just for few seconds to rest. Luckily my mind said...stop it! Wake up! You are speeding! Later I sang songs..I talked loudly to my self, I set the radio to the maximum volume..just to stay awake. However, still I felt sleepy. I knew Allah was kind to me by making sure that I was safe every day but this could not continue. I need to stop driving every day before any thing bad happen. And now it was the time. I HAD to go.

For the last 2 weeks before the movement, I spent many hours of walking around the school compound. I enjoyed every second, trying to plant every single picture in my mind.. I kept on telling my self, these were the last two weeks of me being a teacher, a headmistress.. Later I would not be addressed as teacher, I would have no students, I would loose all the privileges as the head administrator...I would loose all. 

On the positive side, my ordeal of travelling every day, driving ever day finally stopped, if not forever. This new job still needs me to drive, to travel but not every day and not to the same destinations. I broke the record even on the first week it self by going to the school deep inside the jungle, on 4 wheel truck, meeting the teachers who were dealing with the impossible trunk road every day. Suddenly, I felt I used to be blessed with much better option going to work when I was a teacher before. I was lucky. 

I spend more time with Aurora and my family. It is a huge release of pressure and my body is not aching like before. I am better even not in all aspects because deep down I still miss my subordinates, miss my walking around the school, miss the noise..miss the food..miss the warm smiles of people there. 

Thank You Allah the Greatest Planner. To You I surrender all my longings and all my wishes. And only You decides the Best.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Life changing..

It started almost a year ago. I was in my room when my boss called. He wanted to see me saying that he had something important to tell me so. So I left office and rushed driving almost 60 km to see him in his office. He made it simple when he asked me to leave school and join him in his office being his right hand man in the administration of the schools in the whole district.

I was shocked and immediately refused. I gave many reasons and the most important I dont like office work, going to the schools, finding faults, solving problems... I like to be in my place and do my work quietly and silently. My boss said many things and finally he said this is one way to bring me back close to home...and for that reason, and that reason only, I finally said yes.

Today, the third day in my new office, new post, new friends, I felt lost and sad..