Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Gift

My hypertension is still disturbing me. I do my best to control it. Taking medicine..very choosy in my food intake..taking long as I can go through every single day of my life healthily. I have a very strong reason why I have to stay alive and be healthy. That is, I have a gift..a gift to be enjoyed to my last breath..if Allah permits..

My love Aurora. Every single day..every single moment,every time I stare into her eyes and she looks at me intensely, I thank Allah again and again..thank YOU very much for giving me this gift..a VERY special gift ever given to me in my whole life. She came when I had given up hope that I could ever have another baby with my second husband. I had two painful and sad miss carriages and later I stopped trying. I found out I was pregnant with Aurora a year after that..countless visits to hospitals..a few hundred times taking injections for many others problems..and finally Allah granted my wish for a healthy sweet.. until now I could not believe she is really here..and mine.

So now..I really pray hard to Allah..let me enjoy your gift..I savour every single moment being a mother to her..she heals my pains..she gives me hopes..she lights my dark nights..she pours me love..happiness..she is my world now. Please me fight my illness so I can take care of your gift for me. Thank You.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Broken to pieces

My orchids are blooming.. has been a long time I did not write. I have been so busy and was not feeling well. After I had taken medication and controlled my stress, I feel better but never miss my pills or else the blood pressure will surely rise yesterday.

Yesterday I had a meeting in the afternoon. There I discovered something which pissed me off and broke my pieces. My soon- to- be- 14 year old daughter..the baby I have loved so dearly and ever ready to die for had betrayed me..I was so sad and devastated to find out the truth..and it made me so mad until I screamed at her at the top of my voice..I slapped her on the face even she held my legs asking for forgiveness which I ignored. That mad! And I spent a sleepless night thinking about could you do this to me? This morning I was still mad but I did not show it much coz I am sure she had got the it again, you will get another bash from me..

Aurora...4 months and two weeks already.. had started eating soft blended rice..a few tiny spoonfuls as a start. I knew it was quite early to introduce solid food for her but I could see she was ready for it. So today marks her 4th day taking solid..well not really solid..very watery rice porridge actually. Today I could see she enjoyed it and taking every spoonful with gusto..until she refused to take no more..and started pushing the rice in and out playfully..

This afternoon My family went to have a farewell party for one of my office colleagues. He had served more than 30 years in our office but I was sad to see that only few of my other office mates turned up for the party..The fact that he was only the gardener and had no position in our office may one of the reasons why others inconsiderately failed to come..Sometimes I was left in wonder of why are some people are so selfish and insensitive..and shocked to see those who consider themselves as educated and religious conscious individuals are in fact the worst people of all. Wait for their turns..the day they leave the service and nobody cares..nobody appreciates..their time will come..Allah is ALWAYS fair to everybody.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I have to take the medicine for hypertension..the first time..never before. Well, I have been having this neck pain since a month ago..since I did the work for my boss. It was a really hard work with many last minutes changes asked by the boss. I was so tensed up and finally I have got this new illness..

I was giddy and last Monday morning I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't work so I went to clinic.The reading was quite high and the doc gave me pills and asked me to rest for he feared I might collapsed.

I was no happy but at the same time thanked Allah so much for giving me this illness after I safely delivered Aurora..I can't imagine if I have this during my pregnancy..

Now I have to take care of myself..I have a baby to take care, 2 kids to look after..and a husband who loves me so much..I told him please take care of our kids if I am not around..his reply is..please take care of our kids if I (he) is not around..yer la tu i said..and he told me..don't ever said that again..remember we have promised to die together..if both of us died who are going to take care of our kids..I am quiet..I love u much..I promise that I will be with u forever till both of us die..