Saturday, April 6, 2024

The phone cal

 Today I felt lost. I was dragged back to the old time..old stories..sad stories.

Last night I received a cal which was odd and impossible.. Come to think of it. From her.. The widow of my ex husband. He passed away last year due to long Covid. 

That day my ex sister in law who had managed a  few months before, to get my phone number from a ' friend' of mine ( whom I will never forgive), had messaged me telling and asking my children and me ( possibly) to pay a visit to her ailing brother ( my ex) at the hospital.

I could not go as my husband was away on a fishing trip with the friends.. Without any telephone line, to ask his permission from. Am was in Netherlands and Andok was on duty for a court case. 

He passed away the next day and was buried at his wife's village.

He had never seen my children for nearly 20 years.. Never actively and financially involved in bringing up the children.. Never contacting the children..even in Hari Raya.. He disappeared altogether with his new family even he stayed around 20 km from us. 

In a way he deserved not to meet my children for the last time.. Never managed to ask for forgiveness for he had abandon his fatherly duties long long time ago.. I am a bit harsh but that is Allah' s Fate.. For when he was well and the children were around, he avoided them..he ignored them.

I had many sad and heartbroken times when filling in forms for my children education loans especially from MARA.. for the part of father's info was always empty..and getting calls from MARA as they did not belived that my ex was lost without ' nafkah' or personal info. Many times I cried sorrowfully as if the children were horn without a father. 

To be continued.. 


Sunday, March 31, 2024

Al Qadar..

 I am resting after prayer, waiting for Asar when the rain came down.. Heavy rain is such a blessing and relief for the heat is so intense during this fasting month.

We just came back from visiting my children in Kajang. Spent 3 nights at Am's home.. Cooking and breakfasting with them since they could not come back to Tapah. Am is working even on Saturday and Ayuni too went to her office to finish her work loads. So, I stayed at his unit with hubby and Aurora.. Cooking for breakfasting. It's not comfortable cooking in such a tiny kitchen without proper utensils but I managed. And I was glad that the kids silently with gusto finishing the food I cooked. 

The count down looking and searching and waiting for Al Qadar has started. I can't tell with words how I long to be granted the Al Qadar night for so many many years. 

O Allah The Almighty.. 

Please.. Grant me health and strength to do as many as possible night prayers and Quran recitation.. I really aim of finishing Quran this Ramadhan.. I do not know if I will be given a chance next year.. Help me O Guidence.. And give me peace.. Let me fulfill my duties before I leave this world.. 


Ya Rabbal Alaminn.. 


    Jacob is fasting too.. 😁💕😀


Saturday, March 16, 2024

Quiet life..

My life is quiet even though every day I am busy running here and there..

However, during this fasting  month, my daily activities focus at home.. Sleeping, reciting Quran, sleeping again, cooking preparing breakfasting and praying.

My intention is not to cook to many dishes coz my hubby is not really keen of eating a variety of food.. Just some rice with one chicken or fish dish and drink.. Aurora is the same with her dad.. Simple appetite and me.. Anything but not my cooking.. I am bored..but I don't want to buy outside.. It's not good and not worth the heat and money at Ramadhan market.. 

So the solution.. I asked my brother to cook my favourite dish and invited him and my sister in law to breakfasting at my house this dawn.. Hehe.. It's settled then.. 

So in order to please my brother, I prepared prawn fritter with peanut sauce for him.. His favourite..

That is it.. Ramadhan Mubarak to all.. May we be granted Al Qadar.. 


Tuesday, January 23, 2024

New year.. New hope..

The year 2024 had begun 23 days ago.. Even though it's almost a month already, I still want to wish Happy New Year to all my silent readers. There is no need to say anything after reading any article in this blog because I keep highlighting interesting things happening on my life here for me.. My self.. As I travel this long and winding road of my life.

Am had finished his Viva before December ends. He passed and that wrapped up his Master class for good. After 2 long years it gave us a relief especially to his mother. Immediately he began sending his CV everywhere even at IOI City Mall looking for job. He attended a lot of interviews online and offline desperately secure him money to pay rent and living expenses. Luckily I finished his car instalment after I retired.

Finally, last week he got a job.. Near his rented house and this job is suitable with his qualification.. Mechanical engineer.. I thank Allah The Greatest for this happy news. I am finally at peace for almost all my dreams are fulfilled.. Except for some of my personal wishes.. 

O Allah The Almighty..

Only You knows me.. Only You helps me all these years.. I am supposed to retire this year but You helped me to take the jump and retired early.. I have enjoyed my self and help those needed my help.. Now I look forward to be closer tu You than ever.. 

Alhamdulillah.. Thank You Allah


Tuesday, December 5, 2023

Year 2023 is closing..

Time walks so slow if you are waiting for something but moves fast if you not expecting anything.. 

Year end coming soon.. However for me, I feel time stands still.. Only the days passed by, but I am stuck somewhere in the past..

Recently I remember my old times.. My childhood.. My old house in Pahang.. My mom.. My sister.. My dad..

Sibling connection is going stronger.. I went to visit Yong's grave.. And cried a lot there.. I could not help my self coz I missed her.. So much..

My only brother is coming back to Tapah for good.. He has been telling me his intention since January but I thought he was not serious.. He had a house in Johor..two companies..married a Johorian but wants to be close to me and my sister here..

Apparently, he is serious.. He sold his house there and discussed with his partner to sell his share.. But the partner refused..they still want him, needs his expertise for the business.. 

I went around to search for his house, to rent while looking for a piece of land to build his dream house near his siblings.. 

Such a very big step but he is adamant to spend his old years with us.. 

Welcome home dearest brother.. Abang E.. 

We always love you and cant  wait for us to grow old


Saturday, October 7, 2023

A reminiscence

Thirteen years ago, my husband drove me to Ipoh for my doctor's appointment due to my pregnancy. I took a week off prior to my maternity leave because I was so big and panting every time I walked. I was due in 2 weeks time.

The appointment was in the afternoon so we went to have lunch at nearby cafe. While waiting for food to be served, I felt a cramp on my tummy. I told my husband but he was really ignorant and had no idea of why. 

After lunch we went to see doctor and he was surprised looking at the result. He asked me for how long I had this stomach cramp. I said few days already. My God, he said I was already in labour!

To cut short, at 9 pm that day, I delivered a healthy 3.4 kilos baby by cesarean section. And today we are going to celebrate her 13 years birthday. Seem like ages but I could still remember her sweet heaven smell when I hugged and kissed her for the first time.

I love you my seewty pie.. And forever I will. 

Till then


Tuesday, September 5, 2023

Allah is The Greatest..


There is no words to describe my feelings looking with my owns eyes, at the Ka'abah black boxy building for the first time ever in my life..

Five days before that we finally arrived at Medina Al Munawarrah as part of our pilgrimage. It was very warm.. 47 degree Celcius..when I stepped out of the air-conditioned bus that picked us at the airport. 

However, after 5 days there I was sad leaving Medina, sad leaving Prophet Muhammad and sad leaving my mum in Baqi.. I way shocked of the warm climate but I have fallen in love with Nabawi Mosque and the climate did not bother me.. 

Five days at Mecca Al Muqqaramah I did 3 umrah.. One for me, second for my mum and third time for my sis.. Yong. My hubby did for my dad and his mum.

It was a blessing from Allah the Almighty that both of us were healthy.. No sickness and we were always on time for our prays.. And my husband was amazing.. Almost every prayer he gotten into Rawdah and it was the opposite of me.. I just managed to get into it twice and did not stay inside long enough because there were too many people inside.

I wish I can go there again.. And I wish I can die there to join my mum and to be near my beloved Prophet. 

Till then..