Friday, September 2, 2022

Monday, August 22, 2022

Am is home.. And home is chaos.. 🤔

 Am returned to Malaysia in August 11..So we picked him up at KLIA and brought him to a homestay that I rented in Kampung Baru KL.  Ayuni finished working on Friday 12 August and joined us there.

He picked up his convo robe and mortar and the next day on August 13, Am had his degree convocation in PWTC.  He was happy and content..

And all the days started from the day my husband drove to KLIA until Sunday when we came back home,  I was sick.  Fever, flu and coughing.. Could not wait to go back to Tapah so I could go to clinic to get medicine.. KL is a big city but I could not get the suitable medicine for me.. Truly a kampong woman I am..

So came back to a house with dust and hammers knocking down the walls.. Drills to break the tiles.. House with no kitchen.. All these bring headache.. Luckily my flu and cough are gone.. 

I stayed almost 24 hours in my room amid the drilling sounds and the dust.. My husband doing his best to mop and cleans the dust every time the workers finish their chores in the afternoon.. 

He and Am did their wonder to install a small kitchen area in my living room so I can cook simple dishes on my induction stove coz I could no more take outside food.. I had enough. 

Another 2 weeks to go so I could get my kitchen back with better utilities and bigger space.. 

Until then.. 

Am is home.. 

We are so proud of you.. My son

The family.. 


Sunday, July 17, 2022

I can't sleep..

I am worried about something.. Tossing and turning still could not sleep..

I know I could do nothing except praying that the problem will be solved. I know everything depends on Allah Grace.. 

More than a month ago we visited Am in Netherlands. He was fine and was free all the time we were there. It was very lucky for us since he had been our tour guide during our stay there. He bought our train tickets using his card, so we moved around easily.

Netherlands is very clean.. The air is crisp and cold.. No pollution what so ever.. Clean and well kept. It was summer but the climate was around 10 to 12 degree. I was freezing and always wore three layers of clothes.

We went from top, the city Alkmaar, where our rented house was located, to the south city like Den Hague and Rotterdam. We also went to Brussels, Belgium for one day trip. 

We stayed one night in Am's room in Delft, walked around Amsterdam and had boat trips. It was nice but I missed Malaysia. I missed surau everywhere in my country where I could stop any time to pray.. I missed our food too.. 

I will continue my experience there in next entry.. 

                      Boat trip.. Amsterdam 


                   Flower Garden in Brussels

                      Night sun.. 9 pm

                  Water everywhere.. Delft

                          In front of Am's uni


Till then... 


Saturday, May 28, 2022

A trip..

I have been going 
around the country since I retired. However this coming trip will be the first going overseas.

We are flying to Netherlands within this   few days to visit Am..after almost a year not seeing him. I really miss him even we are texting each other every day and have a video call at least once a week.

Anduk can't go together and I am sad she will miss this trip. Of course she could not take 8 days off from her firm and she is desperately wants to finish her chambering soon. She cannot afford to have a delay as she targeted to end this chambering in August.

Anduk is turning 25 this June 4, and we will miss her birthday. However, I bought her a present and we had a short trip to Malacca, Muar and Mount Ophir last week. I could see she was happy and content.

So Netherlands, here we come..


Saturday, May 14, 2022

I am free..

Nearly 6 months I have been free..

I did not feel I am missing my job.. Nor missing the office..

I am enjoying my freedom to the fullest.. Nothing to talk about  to my  co workers.. No gossiping.. No hastle of driving here and there.. And the best thing is.. No boss ordering me around..

I spent most of my time on my own.. Wake up early.. No rushing to prepare to go to work.. I take my time praying.. Reciting Quran.. Eating and driving around Tapah with my husband.. And sleeping.. 

Finally.. I cut the string! 

Thank You Allah.. 


Tuesday, March 8, 2022

Happy Birthday.. Am

Eventhough Am would have never read my blog but to note down my birthday wishes to him here..

Happy Birthday dear son.. We love you and we miss you so much.. 

May Allah bestow upon you health, happiness and this world and after life.. 

Thank your for healing me.. Taking care of me.. Making me a proud mom.. 

We will wait for you to come back.. 


Friday, December 17, 2021


     I am no longer the beach that wait for the waves.. Good bye...ZuuATi                           

Today is my last day working..

Yesterday, I completed my task. For the last time I updated my report, cleaned my desk, deleted all files in my desk top except the work files, threw all rubbish and junk.. And today I sat alone in this room. All my friends took leaves. Better still because for the last day, I want to be alone. 

The whole day it was raining.. Sometimes heavy, sometimes drizzle but never really stopped. I did not go home during lunch.. I wanted to spend the day alone and remembering. Remembering the old times when I stepped my feet inside this office. At that time I was an alien.. Even my partner did not say much. I was left alone not knowing what to do. 

However, after  a year everything changed. I had never thought that working here would teach me a very important lesson by experiencing the worst feeling ever. This experience broke my heart.. Changed me all together.. Breaking my principles in life and totally left me stupefied.. And leaving a long lasting confusion.. 

I realize I had underestimated people.. I let people mistreated me.. I misjudged people. I had always had a positive view on people, so when I allowed a person got into my life, the consequences are horrible. I let my guard down and the I paid it dearly... With my heart. 

Then, I spent more than a year to recover... To get back to my feet.. To love my self more.. To forget...It was not easy.. In fact, it was the hardest obstacle ever in my life.. And my last question left unanswered until now.. 


Now, even not really recovered 100% because I still feel hurt, but I am ready to move on with my next phase of life. 

Allah The Almighty... I had prayed hard. Finally You grant my wish.. That is to retire and move on.. Please guide me.. Forgive me.. Truly I am sinned.. Let me become a better Muslim.. A better person.. 

And when You think that I should leave this world, grant my last wish.. A beautiful closure in death.. 

Thank you Allah. You tested me, I managed to overcome it with Your Love even I had lost my heart.. Now I surrender my self to You..