Friday, March 29, 2019

I have started crying..

Finally, after months of dreading and not looking forward to the day, here it comes. The day I say goodbye to him, my partner. He is retiring next Wednesday. At the end, I will be alone doing this job, the task which  I am still learning by hard. I will alone collecting the data, processing the data, taking suitable actions, visiting clients..and go the office with no one to talk to. Practically I will be alone in every sense of words.

I wish I am the one who leaves. I hate being left behind especially to be left in this particular work place. I don't love them nor hate them but sometimes ..wrong..many times..almost all the time I feel lonely in a crowd. No one is considered a friend to me. I am not anti social but with this age, I find hard to assimilate my self in this new place. The last one year was a year of learning my real job, learning to understand data, to analyze them and to take proper action. However now..when he is going I feel I have lost a big portion of my passion to work.

I look forward to retire soon but I have no choice. I still have a lot of responsibilities and commitments with bills and loans to finish. Many times I was thinking to quit but I decided to step back and to wait at least 3 more years  then I call it a quit. But now when he is gone I feel like quitting now.

When he talked about the final day, I could not stop my tears. I did not care crying in front of him even he asked me not to do so. He might feel sad leaving this profession..after 35 years..but not to me. I don't mind leaving this profession even now. I was crying because I am losing some one dear to me. A character that is so mysterious, admired from far and now finally becoming so close to me. I have searched in my entire life for a character to fill up my emptiness and craving for intelligence and when I finally found one, he is taken and worst he is leaving me in a few days.😭

Why do I cried so hard? One last point..which I dare not to jot down here..let it be buried deep deep inside my heart. The song below has the hints..

Goodbye dear partner..

                                                       From You Tube..