Friday, January 24, 2020

A reminder?

I am taking care of my health..especially since I work near home more than 2 years ago. I find it easier to go to clinic for my scheduled check up compared to the time when I traveled long distance before. I could feel after 2 years of taking my medicine accordingly, jog at least twice a week have improved my health. Another aspect is my inner/soul medication..I tend to talk more to Allah through praying at night. It helps a lot in my time of sorrow like now.

However few days ago I had this migraine..I called this  migraine because I could feel the pain was only on my left side of my head and the pain was not specifically on one place but it was moving to one spot to other spot at times. I was so uneasy and felt weak. I took my hypertension medicine as usual, so I did not think it was due to hypertension. I was tired of taking medicine so I decided to go for massage. It was better and I could go to work the next day.

One of my final wishes is to die without having to go through suffering or lying on bed before the last breath. I really do not wish to burden my husband and my kids. I really do not want to go with any grudge or ill hearted towards them. I want to go with blissful feeling, feeling loved and happy till my last day. I do not want my kids to have trouble taking care of me if I was bed ridden and was depending on them on anything. I really hope that it will not happen. I do not want my kids to be sinned just because I feel hurt on any of their bad treatment to me (if any). So, I really hope my last day would be quick and painless.

And I really hope that I could get my "Husnil Khotimmah" .. the good end.


Thursday, January 9, 2020


                                                                     From Google

Since the Prime Minister introduced  the  slogan Wawasan 2020,long time ago, I was wondering what would happen to me in the year 2020. Here I am...working in the place I had never thought I would be, having colleagues whom I had never thought I would mixed up with, giving ideas in meetings which I had never expected I would be in..

Even though things have changed tremendously over this recent years, this new decade does not change me personally. I am still the same person long before the slogan was launched. And now the year has come, I am still having the same thoughts, the same ideas, the same attitude ... The only difference is I am more vocal, I speak my mind (not rude)..when I have to but then when I do not have to speak, I will be quiet, doing my things..writing, reading, listening to religious talks in YouTube..and the go out running my errand and doing my tasks. I am all alone..

I really miss my dear partner, Tn Hj Thani...I miss discussing our job nature, talking about people around us, the office, tell stories about us..I miss so much of our pasts..and so much more.

I thought I would contemplate with the new year of my decision to opt for early retirement. However, with several days have gone in this new year, I am more confident and adamant that I should retire early. I have chosen the day already..February 1st 2022. Yesterday I went to the old office to collect several documents and I hope by next week I should be able to collect all the necessary things. By June this year, I shall fill up the form and wait for 20 months after that for the final day.

That is my final decision.