After 3 times...

I had been working hard on something.. with a lot of effort to no avail. So long..and so much trouble but it was fruitless. This recent episode of my life making me sad and down. So much sadness and frustration due to the amount of hope and time spent on but apparently all gone to the trash bin. I have been worried and thinking and planning of what could I do more to secure my wish. Then, it is all in Allah Qada' and Qadar.

I slowed down. After 3 times trying, so much so, it must have meant that Allah is trying to tell me something. Trying to show me that whatever I have been working on was not good for me.That Allah has another plan for me, that He is showing me the correct path and decides on something which is much much a better option and the best solution to my problems. Trully, I did performed a lot of Solat Hajat and Tahadjjud  for this wish but Allah knows better. And after 3 times trying hard,I gave up.

I told my self that I had done enough and I had enough of this. Its time I let it go. As Your servant I cant do anything not even lifting a  finger if You says no. I did my best so I am redha to your Qada' and Qadar. Only to You I depend on and only You bestows me any rezeki if it is mine at the end.

Ya Allah, aku bertawakkal padaMu...


Till then..

Have the most beautiful Eid Mubarak ever to all..

Today, I still go to work.The mood of working is not there but still here I am. I have no wish to chat for long just to share a simple story about Aurora..Even a simple story but for me, it is enough to make me smile and it shows that a child has a very straight foward minds.. she is really sweet and I love her so much.

We were travelling along the highway when suddenly she said..."Mummy, where's the cow?".I was not paying attention, so she repeated, "Where is the cow, Mummy?" "What cow?" "There, Mummy, behind you."
Of course I could not see any cow behind me. We were in a car and my husband was speeding at that moment. Then it struck my mind...Ooo...she meant the sign board, the "cow" sign board on the high way alerting drivers that the area is prone to animal crossing. I see. That's what she meant. She thought by putting the sign board there, she might see some cows by the road side. Hehehe..my baby. You are so honest..so sweet my love..

Two days before Aidil Fitri..and I wish all of you readers Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Till then..

"Where is the cow, Mummy?"

Leaving home..

Since holding the new post, I am always busy. I seldom cook..we ate outside food almost everyday. I make it a point to cook on weekends but most of the time I spent time resting. Feel relive of not driving on weekends. I pity my family..they miss home-cooked food. Especially my hubby. He is not keen of food outside but he himself forbid me cooking after coming back from work which is around 6 everyday.

This new routine is tiring. I myself hate outside food. Sometimes I just fried some anchovies with onions and chilies..and thats my dinner "lauk" that accompany some white rice. I continued taking this "kedai" food until one day my stomach rebelled. It was a sad day because that morning  we recieved news that one of my staff passed away. She had cancer. I could still remembered the day I visited her. She kept saying that she was afraid she could not make it. Her cancer was getting fierce..I ordered my clerk to go fast in pursuing her form for medical board pension. I wanted her to feel secure leaving the family, the world with some money behind. Apparently, she could not make it..she died leaving everybody feeling at lost.

That morning I didnot take rice..had no mood. I had some fried ladies finger and a fish. That afternoon, during a formal occasion in a hall, my tummy began to rumble. I waited for the event to finish even I was unable to stand straight. I was sweating with cold sweat and immediately after receiving the scroll, I went to toilet and went out the hall. I walked to the gate waiting for my hubby..three times I stopped and vomitted. I vomitted all until late night. The next day until today..2 weeks after that day I still feel weak. I lost my appetite at all.

However, life runs as usual. The day came when Anduk has to leave home to begin her life as college student. She is offered Asasi for Law in UiTM Sg Petani..the course that she hoped for. She turned down the matriculation course because she does not like science. Its okay for us because she herself knows her limitation and her ability.

Om June 2, we sent her there. I cried in my heart. Even I want my children to stay with me but I cannot stop the time. They are drawing the new lives for them and even sad I am, I pray that they will be well and success in their future undertaking. I love you Anduk..and Am and my baby Aurora who is a gift from Allah to keep me company all along my way to old life.

Till then..

My latest cake..

The cactus blooms..rare occasions...welcoming me in new office

My Mother's Day card..from my baby..

She is posing...

Anduk..on her first day lecture..

New post..new life..same old person I am

On March 3, I was asked to meet the Director General of State Education Department to receive a letter of promotion. I did not sleep that night. So many feelings..but mostly scared to death. I knew that letter was going to change everything..my routine, my career, my responsibilities..my life.

When I had the letter in my hands and when announced the location of my new office, I nearly cried when thinking how would I cope with driving more than 100 km everyday to my new office. I panicked for a while. However, I was still lucky because some of my friends ( only 5 of us) were sent much far away than me. Some needed to rent a house or room. I was still lucky since that my house was very near the highway. Around 35 minutes drive after Subuh prayer, I reach my destination every day.

It is a new life alright. Too many things to do until I did not have enough time to cook. I come home late every day and when reach home I collapse and after Isyak I am so happy that I can rest my tired body next to Aurora. And the next morning, I start my journey again.

However, I am still the same person. I do not change. I still hold to my life principals and attitude. To me, promoted or not I still do my work and do the best. Thank you Allah and please help me to go along this new way..new post.

My kids are doing well. Andok is now working in a gift shop while waiting for any offer to further her study. Am is doing great with his study routine. My hubby need to be more at home taking care of Aurora since I come home late. And my sweet baby, my love, my reason for coming home..Aurora, she is growing up..cheerful, always smiles and says "I love you Mummy..". That is enough. I am happy.

Till then.

And she loves to pose

Am and Andok

The playgound..

I love her cheek...

Life goes on..

It has been ages and ages long..some how I have lost my interest to write in my blog. Not because I did not have time but my time was spent more on resting and doing the routine...going to work, come home cooking, reading, playing with my baby..and sleep till next morning.

Life is the same..now my girl is at home, finished her exam and now busy practising her guitar and attending her music classes. I want her to be more active in home skills but it does not interest her..she cooks when given instructions but that's it..The initiative to do things on her own still far fetched..hmm..

Am is doing well in his study. He scored good results for all three semesters and gained him dean's lists. I really hope he could score better results so he might get an offer to do degree in Japan or to French.

My work..hectic as usual. My old boss had been transferred and his place was filled up with a lady boss. A phobia for me..and I am not happy going to work every day. I miss my old boss..even not always in school but at least he was more compassionate and more understanding. This lady boss is very demanding and has a very sharp tongue.. I am trying my best to keep calm and pray hard to get my promotion as soon as possible.

Aurora..my love. She is getting taller and becomes an expert in using computer. She had started schooling..kindergarten..just a walking distance away from home..seems to enjoy herself with new friends..new life. I was very surprised when she only shed a little tear on her first day to school. She is very brave and has positive attitude. She makes me proud.

Life is a constant test. I am doing my best every day and I could only thank Allah for every things I have now. True..I fell sick many times in this new year..I had just recovered the latest illness for few days. Medicine does not cure..I have learnt that the only cure of my physical and emotional distress is in Allah's Hand. I rest my soul in His and only His blessing I seek..

Till then..

The flower in my heart blossoming...

Breakfast in school..

Too tired to stand..after zoo outing..

My loves..Lumut outing