The meeting..

 After few months texting and calls, I finally went to the nearby town to meet that lady. I brought my sister with my husband driving, to meet her at her school since she is a teacher there.

The lady was so fragile.. Awkward.. She was trembling.. Scared? Or may be overwhelmed of meeting the lady who used to be her husband first wife. 

Me? Just a normal aqquintance as I used to meet a lot of people when I was working then. 

My reason to see her is to collect the faraid documents to be signed by both my children. However when I got home I checked and found fault on the document so it needed amendment because my daughter can't put down her signature as her ic numbers are wrong. It would be void.

That was not the reason why until now at this moment I feel melancholic. My minds keep rewinding old stories which hurt me so much and I really want to forget. By dealing with this lady, my heart is aching and I can't wait for this matter to finish and I can block her number. 

I know she is not an evil person as she tried hard to rightfully dividing her deceased husband money. And I salute her for that. However, I have moved on and I don't want anything to do with her in laws. And this things dragging my feet back to old sadness.

Now, I trully believed.. Kifarah is real. Never hurt anybody, because before you die, you will pay. 

Or in this case, even after you die, you still pay. 

Wut

Mak..

                   From Youtube

 I have never written here about my mom.. Such a special person, such a painful story, such a deep cut in my heart when she was gone leaving me speechless and grieving until now. Not that I did not wholeheartedly accept what had been decreed by The Almighty of her leaving this world so soon. It was fated and Allah knows best. 

Mak.. 

After 24 years.. A long 2 decades you have gone..but I felt it was only yesterday. I was in school when I received a call from my brother giving me this heartbreaking news..

"Mak meninggal.."

Mak.. Mak.. Why are you leaving me.. Mak

I cried so hard.. Uncontrolled 

Just 15 days before I travelled back by bus with my children.. Am 4 years old and Ayuni 2,to my village some 300 km to see her..to send her to Kelana Jaya before she flied to Mecca performing Hajj.

And now she would never come back to us.. 

And just a month before she flied, my first husband divorced me.. Leaving me alone with my 2 kids far and far away from my family. I really lost my mom.. My backbone.. My savior.. My mak.. 

It was the lowest point of my life.. Her passing.. Even my divorce was not hurting that much compared to losing my mak when I needed her most. She never came back.. She passed away 12 days before wukuf and was buried in Maala Mecca. 

Before going inside the Tabung Haji building in Kelana Jaya,, we were crying letting her go.. She asked me what do I want.. I said I want nothing.. Just prayer that I will be happy.. She cried and answered.. "If I can exchange my life with your happiness.. I would.. As long as you are happy" 

The sentence.. Her last sentence to me.. Makk

True to her words.. Allah granted her wish. After few years I got married again.. Happy eventhough not a bed of rosses but I am happy.. 

However, I lost her.. Since then, not even a day I did not remember her.. She traded her life with my happiness.. Makk

I will see you soon Makk.. 

Wut