My heart has gone away...

I have been working at the same place for nearly 11 years..I transferred from far away to this place. At first I enjoyed the peacefulness and calmness but now I am not happy anymore. Things are different..people have changed and the serenity of this place has gone..

I started as nobody..now I am somebody..and I don't like it. I choose to enjoy my life after all the hardships in my early working years. Now I have a stable job..satisfying salary and beautiful family..I wish no more except spending my time happily and no headache and heartache..

The thing that has been in my mind these days is I want to move on..transfer to another office and forget whatever unhappiness here. I will do something to make my wish come true..and I am praying hard to Allah to let the truth finally revealed..

The one source of my happiness nowadays and my misery melt away.. my love Aurora..my family..

A Visit

Aurora with her big brother

Yesterday, Saturday, early morning I woke up the children, prepared my baby's bath, packed her things and ours..and later straight we went to visit my father who lives some two hours drive away.

My father had never seen Aurora before. He is too old to travel so we had to go back and showed him his new grandchild. He is not feeling well due to his diabetic problem but overall he is fine. He was happy to see us but could only hold Aurora for a while for she moved a lot and my father was scared he might drop her. My hubby bought some food and we had a simple but nice lunch. My father's house was very near to a river so the wind was cooling and calming.

After lunch I went out to have a chat with my father's neighbour's wife. I called her Makcik Nab. We exchanged news,talking about her children and kampong folks whom I know. One thing that she said but marked in my heart was about me going back to visit my father and my mom when she was around (she passed away 10 years ago performing Hajj). Makcik Nab said I was the only child who keeps on coming and visit my father..while the rest of my sibling rarely do so and some never even stepped on my father's compound since 10 years ago. Well... I told her, all others have their own lives..married with husbands who don't favour my family and my parents..so what to do? Even my mother could never say anything if her own flesh and blood abandon her when some of her daughter married to lousy and stupid husbands. She just kept everything inside her and continued to be nice to her son-in-laws. I knew she was sad but when she was alive I did everything I could to make her happy..took her anywhere she wanted to go and gave her anything she wanted to eat. She used to say to me that she was satisfied going out with me because I was the only child with whom she traveled to many places and ate a lot of delicious food. The last thing I did for her was to send her to Mecca performing Hajj..she passed away there. I was really sad when she didn't come back but at the same time happy because I managed to make her wish came true..to go to Mecca and died there.

I don't have much money to give to my father,nor having much time to visit him often..but I will continue to be a good daughter because his name is after my name and I carry this name forever till I die.

Aurora is 3 months old

Yup..she is. Getting bigger, heavier and cuter..hehehe.

I finished my work then immediately rushed home. Ate a quick lunch and zoom we went to clinic for Aurora's appointment and injection. The latter was the part I am scared to face. I don't mind if I have to take the injection a hundred times but not my baby. Well..it's all for a good reason. Now she is sleeping but keeps on moaning waking up many times. Sign...another sleepless night for me.

Fire!

I was really angry today. However one good thing about me is I don't bring up my anger and lash it to everybody. I just focus on the person (the source) of my anger..and there she got to see my worst side. And I am sure she will remember it forever in her life.

I was never hash to my subordinates,even they are testing my patient many times. I am a very considerate person and always make sure everybody is comfortable with me and helps them in any way possible. I can joke and laugh freely with them without thinking so much that I am the boss and they are my subordinates. However, one thing that they have to remember there is a limit in anything. ONE thing that I really HATE is talking or a better word for that ...mengumpat...my personal things. I have never bother about their personal things and like to look for any gossip. I respect them..and they too have to respect me..fair.

So today, finally I can't restrain my self and I "fire" the person. I cried because I felt so much hurt by what she did but it was a relief because finally I released my anger. Serve her right. Next time please mind your own business and remember I am still the boss!

Aurora's new tricks

My sweet Aurora

After the case of colic last week, Aurora is better after taking the medicine. However, we don't want to depend solely on medicine every time she has colic.So, I went around to ask for any "petua" to prevent colic. We tried it all. I am still searching for any bidan to massage her tummy since my friend said it one of the ways that work for colic babies.

We also decided to change her formula. She has taken Enfalac A+ since she was born. We thought may be she couldn't take soy milk so we changed into cow milk formula..Nan Pro. After a few days she has showed some improvements. We were scared she might not like it or it was not suitable for her but it seems alright until today. We are relief.

Aurora will turn to be 3 months old next week. She has developed many new skills and tricks too. She can see clearly now and her eyes would follow me everywhere. She has started cooing..sweet sounds from her..as if she is trying to talk to us. She smiles a lot every time we speak to her. She likes to put her fingers inside her mouth. Her baby gloves are always wet and I have to change it several times a day. She is quiet heavy to be put on the shoulder and my arms are in pain for carrying her a lot. Besides that she is still and will continue to be the cutest baby in my world.We thank to Allah for she is healthy and grown up well.

I pray to Allah to endow us prosperity, health and happiness for all of us this new year 2011. And I hope I can perform my duty well as wife, mother, worker and most of all a humble servant to You Allah The Almighty.

Happy New Year..

People usually celebrated new year with going out the whole day, enjoy the light of the busy city and watching firework. Some just stay at home like me. I spend the last day of 2010 by doing spring cleaning and scrubbing the toilet sparkling clean. Later cooking curry mee..an uncommon dish at my home. My husband is a orthodox Kelantanese where rice is a must in every meal. Well, I cook nasi lemak in the morning and I am tired of eating rice every day.

The curry mee turned out delicious and my hubby ate a lot. I was surprised. He did not say anything..puji jauh sekali..but I know he likes the food when he eats a lot. So it's okay with me because I learn that words are not really important..action is.

Happy New Years to all. May Allah bless us with His compassion and grant us good health so we can perform our duty as His mankind.

Panic

Started from Monday we had meeting everyday. I was exhausted...physically and mentally. My body ached all over and my head throbbed until I had a long and painful migraine. I took panadol several days but to no avail. Finally I went to see the doc and I had to take a very strong painkiller. Now it is a bit better but I try not think too much..not overuse my mind..then it will be better..I hope.

Meeting.. a long and tiring talk. How I hate such thing but I had no choice. I had to strain my ears and paid attention as there were to many things to do in such a short time..some of the things are new in my organization so we have to work harder this year. As for me, besides having a new boss with many new ideas, I too have a new baby..who needs more attention everyday.

Last night, Aurora did not sleep well. I gave her milk before I went to bed but at 1 am she woke up and refused to sleep after that. That's is okay for me as long as she is fine. But last night was a different story. She cried and cried every time I and her dad put her down on bed. We tried to make her comfortable..I put some oil on her tummy coz I know it was due to wind. However it was useless. She still cried and cried. We couldn't sleep at all. I was helpless..panic coz she was never like this before. It was prolonged until morning..I couldn't sleep at all. I gave her warm bath at 7 in the morning and quickly prepared myself get ready for work. When I left home she was still moaning and tired due to lack of sleep. Pity her but I had to go to work since this morning I had another important meeting.

During meeting I kept thinking about her so I smsed my daughter. She replied saying Aurora was still crying. Then Aurora's dad call and asked to come back and get Aurora to clinic. I excused myself and rushed home. I was driving like mad..so worried..

At the clinic it was packed with patients. We had to wait nearly one hour. Finally when it was our turn the doc said my baby was okay but her tummy was full of wind..too much until the doc said it was like a storm rumbling in her small tummy! Pity my baby..no wonder she was crying all night. But I could'nt understand why she had a bad case of wind? We took a really good care to make sure she did'nt get wind but it still happened. After a good dose of medicine Aurora went to sleep..finally..

I was tired running here and there but as along as my baby and my other family members are fine and healthy it was worth the effort. The only thing is..sometimes I forgot that I and my body need to be taken care off too. I have to..they all need me..