Heart breaks...

                                                                     "He was never mine,
                                                         but losing him...broke my heart"

There are many words and articles to describe the heart breaking things but for me, no words could describe mine. I am not saying this incident was so special to make my world come tumbling down, but the pain was excruciating until it was really visible..my heart was really intensely  in pain.

If only I know...

Allahuakbar...

Allah..The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful..please ease my pain..

                                                   
                                                         Courtesy of Youtube

Silence..again

                                                  A matter of the heart....    From Google



It has been two weeks..

Sometimes I wonder..is this the other way to say goodbye or the stopper..?

Why do people can be so cruel, anomalously avoiding discussion..? Is the heart was made of stone?

Never in my life I acted this way, and I should congratulate my self for never been so adamant on something..but I learn in the hard way some people can actually do that..

I am a strong headed person too but I will never be so cruel and thoughtless.

And I was so unlucky enough to have met, and to have to deal with this kind of people.

However, each and every heart is hold by Allah The Al Mighty. Let Him decide whose heart is to be melted and whose to be hardened.

Whatever, I will not regret...and that person will.

The must and the hardest..

Dear...

I spent many days crying..praying..and decided..this is it..
I took the ride..as to finalise my decision..

Goodbye...

Lamenting..

                                                                    Into the oblivion 


He is gone into the silence mode ..again. The third time..may be a longer silence this time. I am tired of this childish act. Please let me out.

Many time I wondered, what has happened to me? Why am I feeling like this? Is this some kind of test?

Allah..help me..

The missing two months..June and July..

Those two months passed with so many stories..some happy, some new and exciting and many....many sad moments.

As to recap..here are some musics and songs all along the two months journey...

                                          Hijab Kekasih  (M.Nasir)         Courtesy You Tube

Godaan Rindu (Rafeah Buang) Courtesy You Tube

                                            Pengorbanan (Sharifah Aini ) Courtesy You Tube

                                        Cinta luar biasa (Andmesh) Coutesy You Tube

                                          Mengapa ( Rafeah Buang ) Courtesy You Tube

Aircond..

Since after Eid my room air condition unit does not work. I talked to many personels in this office about this matter..still to no avail. During Friday morning meeting I spoke..for many Fridays..still did not work. They talked about money..no allocation..not enough money..whatsoever..still no improvement. I do not care, whatever money, excuses about stupid SOPs...I JUST WANT THE BASIC facility..air condition..because I can not work here. Even the clerk can not do work when there is no air condition, what more about me? I am one of the officer who hold the highest position in this office, and they dare to ignore my need. Stupid lot!

So, just this morning I told the boss directly in the meeting..the third time in 3 months. I am angry and I want action. Don't give me promises and stupid crap about money and all. I do't care and I do not want to know.

Since that Friday, I did not come in my office. After I clocked in, I went straight to my car and drove off to the next office. Together with my friend I ventured to all schools..still doing my work but never set foot again to the office. I could not do work..my mind was disturbed..my heart was hurt. I know I am no body here, but at least give me the same right that is to have a comfortable place to work.

And now, after 2 weeks complaining and created a heady scene that Friday, finally I am sitting inside my room with cooler air condition. Thank God.

Turbulance..

This is a flight of my life..
I know it will not be smooth since I am holding a variety of posts..the Captain..the stewardess..the mechanic..the traffic controller..even the boarding pass or ticket officers. I am.

For my entire life, never ever I am facing the strongest and most crucial turbulence before...like now. A different one..For many years I am an avid reader in  a group dealing with marital affairs..conflicts..For many times also, I did ask my self why do I like to read all this craps..I am not going to experience them, so why and why should I  I like to read them?

Actually the reading habit is actually preparing me for this..

Of all my knowledge and experience, this really knocks me down into the drain..

O God The Almighty, please help me to get this over. I am helpless without your help. I need you help because now I am suffering ..