Life..pain..bliss

It echoes in my heart
beating relentlessly
and never stop haunting
my days

As much as I struggle to stand strong
the wind of sadness sweeping my face
with misery and memories
to bring out tears
which I quickly cease

Give me pains and sorrow
but be kind to give me will and strenght  too,
Allah..You are the Almighty...
You know all..

I have many stories to tell. However some would never be told in terms of words and appear here. It would only be shared with no one. Nevertheless, some good and happy stories have taken place too. One of them is Aurora. Seeing here growing up to be a very beautiful toddler..a cute little girl will always bring warmth to my heart and brings smiles to my husband. We all love her so much. She has become my saviour in my life. In fact, she is the happiness.

Here are some of her recent photos.

Till then...

Retiliation..

They finally got it..they have pushed the wrong button for too long and too far beyond control. The transfer letters came almost at the same time after my boss had admonished them on their attitude and gave a very 'straight to heart' reprimand during the  last meeting. They were shocked because this was a very rare occasion.My boss is quiet but once he talks...its bitter.

Quite frankly, I think they deserve that. They had no  shame acting like a bunch of school kids. In fact school kids are better in a way. The way they laughed loudly and cracked jokes stupidly in the canteen even there were visitors inside making me sick. In some occasions they were like...They acted very unprofessionally creating stories and discussed things in their group openly in FB.

I am speechless..ashamed as they are my colleagues. I keep things to my self. Let them do whatever they like within their limitation. I don't have to punish them..they are punished already.  By Allah..The Almighty.

Seeing love..

As we are still in the month of Syawal, I would like to wish all Muslim readers....Selamat Aidil Fitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin...I seek for forgiveness to all badly used words in this blog which might hurt you in any way.

We spent the first 2 days in KL. My brother went back to Pahang to pick up my father who had earlier followed my youngest sister to spend the holiday in her father's in law house there. So our plan to go down to Johor was cancelled. Late afternoon on second day of Hari Raya, we went home. Started on the third Hari Raya I cooked like mad everyday. Friends and relatives came down...and if not cooking for them I still cooked for the children. My daughter asked me to cook all her favourite food since she misses all those dishes.

Today, while driving back from work something happened which touched my heart deeply. I had just intersect a huge and long lorry carrying sand. I pressed the accelerator pedal to pick up speed as the road was going up a hill where accidents take place quite frequent. Going down the hill, suddenly I saw something in the middle of the road.  I was brown in colour. I was suspecting it was just a brown plastic bag or even a brown piece of paper. Getting closer, I finally could make it clear...a baby monkey. It was sitting there in the middle of the road, confounded, bewildered looking at the traffic on the right and my car was on the left side.  On the left side of the road, there was an old man on a motorbike, stopped...I suspected that he too was concern of the well being of the small creature..trying to make sound so that the animal could go back into the jungle next to the road.

I slammed down my brake panel  hard...to slow down and when came near the monkey I drove and verge a little to my left to avoid the monkey. When I had passed the monkey I kept looking the rear mirror to see if other vehicle behind me do the same. I screamed when I saw the big lorry ( the one I cut) was 100 meters behind and I was sure the driver could not avoid but to run down over the monkey. My mind prayed...God please..please. 30 meters before the lorry came to the monkey, finally it came to his senses and quickly ran to cross the road and went into the jungle.

It was a big relief...If the old man was not there, as if to signal the traffic that a creature was on the road..I might run over the monkey..and if God does not shower pity and compassion to all His creatures, the monkey would surely die.

Thank you Allah...today I witnessed love...

Abandoned

I have been neglecting my blog for so long.I can't even describe how busy I was last few months. To my friends in this blog, I am so sorry for not reading your blogs or to give comments. I am still very much alive running my family, my course works, my kids, my office and myself. Here are the updates:

a)   On July 12 my course had officially ended. I managed to pull out to the last minute all my coursework/assignments..more than 55 all together. I managed to finish my painstakingly long report (more like a thesis), went again to Genting and sat for the final exam. Stayed there for five days, had physical test
 (orang tua..nak test apa lagi..memang tak fit). My hubby and Aurora went with me, stayed there too because she had measles. Luckily I was given a  room,big enough for three of us. We were there for the first three days of Ramadhan and I was very thankful that Aurora's measles was under control there since it was very cold  in Genting so the red spots diminished quickly. I had nearly gone hysteric when I saw the red spots at first. My mind went berserk...dengue? She had this fever few days before and even with antibiotics it was still persisting. After my lecture we went down to KL and searched for a clinic. The doctor told me not to worry because he suspected it was just measles but just to be sure he advised me to have Aurora run a blood test. My God...it was the first experience seeing my baby wrapped and had her blood taken for test. Only two drops but she cried  and screamed like mad. I cried too and begged the doctor...please make it quick. I could not stand listening to her screaming. Finally...the result was negative. It was just measles. Ya Allah...it was a big relief. I can't imagine other parents with sick babies..really sick with major illness. Allah only tested me with minor sickness and still I was still inattentive and forgetful to His Compassion.

b)   My work. My bis boss is going for Mecca to perform Hajj. I will assume his post till he comes back. Thinking about that making me sick because the time he will not be in is the most crucial part in this office. I am worried but I have no choice. May be it is the best opportunity to practice whatever knowledge I have gained during my 5- months course. Just pray everything will be alright.

c)  My son has settled down with the new life as a university student. I am very thankful to Allah because finally he managed to get the MARA loan for his study. We filled up the form online and when I clicked the word SEND...few seconds later the website showed the happy words..Congratulations..He was offered a full loan and if he manages to maintain 3.5 pointer and above, the loan will be changed to scholarship. Now, it is up to him. I did my part as a mother, he has to do his. One thing that put pains in my heart is, a part in the online form needed me to fill up info about his real dad...my ex husband. Luckily I keep one copy of his IC. I had to fill up his info there because MARA wants to confirm whether the real dad was a bumiputera and IC number is imperative as a proof. I wonder what  if in future I have to get other things from my ex....how? I don't even know where is he. He had stopped bank- in money for the kids along time ago even it is his responsibility. I wonder what if my daughter Ayuni wants to get married...where do I have to find him?

d)  My Aurora. She will soon reach 3 years old. A couple  of months. She developes more vocabs but still can't speak Malay words. I am really really REALLY worried. We speak to her Malay but somehow that Malays words do not stick to her mind.When she mentioned things, it will be English words. Sometimes she utters words which for me are considered big English words (for babies) such as "torchlight". It makes me happy but at the same time worried and wondered where have  her Malay words gone? I was thinking of referring  her to a speech specialist.. may be after Raya.

e)   About Raya. We will go down to KL to celebrate Eid. Later may be will go down south to Johor to my brother's home.I am in the process of coaxing my hubby.

Till then ....Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al- Mubarak..Thank You Allah for giving me a chance to be around..still..and with Your Grace we will be celebrating Eid in 10 days time.

Again?

Hi blog,

We just came back from Bagan Datoh..visiting Anduk there. Yesterday my husband picked me up from Genting Highlands and straight we went to have late lunch in KL. Later we decided to have a look at the place where Idham supposed to study for the next 3 years. UniKL in Bandar Baru Bangi. It was just a small uni in a quite  calm and peaceful location. However, the place is complete with facilities which make me quite happy. Then we started home. It was a bad decision. KL was jam-packed with cars of people headed home and or back to their kampong since that tomorrow will be the polling day.

My husband was very tired...in and out the highway and driving as fast as he could so we can get home. We were thinking to stay in Rawang but since we had to visit Anduk today, my husband pushed himself to the limit. Finally we arrived home around 1.30 am. I went straight to bed.

Today, we went out quite early since we expected there would be many cars on the road. True enough. Even Bagan Datoh which is a very small and sleepy town turned out to be hectically busy with  people driving all around the kampong roads for the last day of campaigning for their parties. It was very busy but I enjoyed looking at the flags with a variety of colours and sizes adorning the roadsides.

Today I really  abandon my course works. I know I have to finish them fast since another long report is on the way. I just want to let go my stress. may be I start doing them tomorrow...if I remember. Hehe..
But then, one thing never leave my mind and keeps me thinking and thinking..I wonder what is happening to me...let it be then.

Till then.

The hard work pays..

I have been working hard to finish all my course works and my report...and studying for the final exam yesterday. And it was a relief.I did not know my grades yet but I am so happy the first phase of my course is over yesterday. My husband sent me here on Sunday late afternoon.I managed to study some of the notes given that night. Monday morning, I sat for the test. I was not 100% confident of my answers but at least I was not stuck because I could still recall some of the notes I have read and that helped me to answer the questions.

And later we had to send in all the reports and CDs of the report.I sent in all but I could see many of my friends were not in the same shoes.Some did not yet print the report, some did not burn the CDs, some did not bring all the things ...left at home and worse some did not even finish the report yet.Oh my God..if I was in their shoes, I would not be able to do anything.  I panic. And I would have a hard time listening to the harsh words by my course supervisors. Like my friend now.

Suddenly I was glad I had gone through all the hard time few weeks before. Somehow I managed to set my time doing all the homework given even though I had to stay up late every nights. I am glad all my hard work pays. I could sleep peacefully whereas some of my friends still facing the lap tops until now since the due date of all the course woks will be closed tomorrow.

Thank you my family for giving me support and motivation all the time I need . I love you.

Thank You Allah for helping me out every time I am in difficulties. You have given me so much and I have given back so little.

Till then.

Studying...ahh...my brains freeze..

I am studying hard for the coming exam next Monday. Finally last night I had uploaded my 55 pages report  + pictures + appendixes to the web. Done ! Before that we went down to town and had my report nicely bind into a mini thesis. Its over...Thank God.

Now I am revising..the more I read, the more I forget every thing..God..please help.

I was under the weather last few days...fever, cough and mild flu. The same with Aurora. Fortunately, we are okay now.Both of us have to be okay since I will leave my family for two more week this coming Sunday. I pity Aurora. I have been so busy..sometimes I regret my decision taking up for this course. Now I have no choice..I have to proceed.

My son had finally chose  UniKL. Got the offer letter for Machine Building and Maintenance course. I hope he will be happy doing that because he himself made the choice.The only thing we, the parents, have to do now is to prepare the money..which is a lot.

I have to continue studying...

Till then.