How much...

 

               From Google 

When my first daughter was still small, she could only count 1,2,3,4,5 and 6. So number six is the biggest number for her.. Meaning there is no more number after six.. Of course, later when she grows bigger she can count more.. And now she is a lawyer.. Properties and management is her expertise..

I talk about this because last time when I asked her.. Do you love Mommy.. She would answer.. Yes I do.. I replied how much do you love Mommy? Six.. She replied.. And we would laughed hard because for her that is the highest number ever. Six.

That was the joke my husband and me would remember and still use until today.. So I always asked my husband the same question.. And he would say., six.. 😂

Just now I asked Aurora the same question.. She answered bigger number.. 10. I asked only 10? Why not million? She said 10/10..perfect 10..Well the number improved from 6 to 10 for the youngest sibling.. 😂😂

My children.. For me all three of you are my happiness.. My son is my sun.. Without him, there is no living.. My daughter is my moon.. That shines softly upon my darkest nights .. And Aurora is the stars.. Millions of them uncountable..

And my husband is my universe.. I shall love you and uphold my love until the next world.

Wut

The words..

 It has been 5 years since I struggle hard to recite the holy words.. Al Quran Nur Kareem.. It started during Covid when I could go to office and needed to work from home..

One day, I was watching outside my front door and dreaming things.. When I heard my neighbour next door reciting Quran. I felt sad because my recitation was not as smooth as he's and I was jealous. Why can't I recite like her.

From that day onwards I recite every day.. Looking up You Tube to learn to pronoun the words correctly. I struggled hard but I make a point never to leave a da without recite at least few lines from Quran.

My eyes began to deteriorate so I installed apps in my phone so I can recite any time and anywhere.

Now after 5 years I can recite like my neighbour and spend any free time to recite even when taking a break during my morning walk.. Sitting at the park and recite. 

Al Quran is my food.. And my day is not complete without it. If I was nearly falling asleep, I jumped out of my bed and recite when suddenly remembered that I didnot recite that day.

The thing I am scared about is when I die I can't recite.. And I really hope the words get into my heart and stay there.. To be my friends and lit up my dark space inside the ground.. 

I now truly believe.. The closer you try to get near Allah, the much closer He gets to you.. Thank You Dear Allah for giving me the lights.. From the one who could not recite to the person who can't live without Your Words.. You Are The Most Kind and The Most Merciful..

Allhamdulillah.. 

Hospitalised..

                    From YouTube

All along my life, I have never been admitted in hospital wards  except for pregnancy cases or deliveries. Nevertheless, year 2025 broke my record.

Last Tuesday, Aurora had a school off so we went out late for breakfast. Early morning I had some fried bananas and  and later some mee hon soup. That afternoon I had some rice with a fried fish. Almost immediately I felt something was wrong. 

I vomited everything.. Non stop. My husband drove me to emergency. After drip I refused to be admitted and went home. The whole night I could not even keep a few sips of water in my tummy.. All out and by the next morning I was too weak and my husband had to carry me back to emergency. 

No choice I had be warded. Meaning the doctors were going to study me, my health history and all. Of course my diabetics would be the major drawback. 

3 days and 2 nights I had my holidays in the ward which was more like a nightmare. I could not move, I vomited and every inch of my two arms were jabbed for drip and insulin. I lost count how many times my blood was taken for tests. 

When the doctor came to my bed the third morning and broke the news that I would be discharged, it was the happiest moment in my life. 

Until now, I feel weak. Slowly my appetite came back and the vimitting completely stopped. Alhamdulillah.. Thank You Allah. 

To all the doctors ( young and handsome.. Woww).. nurses and even the cleaners.. Thank you so much. You are all great workers. 

To my dearest sister De, Jun..Abg  E.. Thank you for your care and love and food. And my husband and kids.. You are the reasons I want to home... Love

Wut

New Year 2025

 I feel so old.. And so grateful that I am still alive today. I had never thought I could manage to come to this new year.. Year 2025.

I am so grateful with so many things.. My life is blessed with so much happiness and contentment. I have everything and enough. 

Happy New Year all. 

        My beautiful children.. 

Wut

Go and shine my son..

Yesterday marked another important date in my life.. 

On Friday afternoon, my husband drove us to Bangi to Am's apartment and we spent the night there. Right after Subuh we went straight to WTC KL to attend Am's master graduation. 

This time, my husband and I agreed to let Ayuni and Aurora to go inside the hall on parents tickets. We just spent time sitting in front of the big screen watching the event from outside. My long last friend Mani came and I spent long hours catching up stories with her.

Later we went to have lunch at the nearby mall and she went back to her house taking LRT. 

Am had finally graduated with flying colours. There were only 3 more students taking the same course.. Water and Hydrolic Engineering...A joint programme with IHE Netherlands. He had received his master scroll from IHE in July and from UNiKL today. 

Everything had come to the final. The struggling years had ended. Not just to him but to me too. I have rest my case. Now, I just have to focus on Aurora's education.. She have already aimed for Multimedia or specifically on animation.. She knows her passion. 

O Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.. 

Thank you so much for Your guidance and kindness.. I am finally be at peace as every things had come down to their places. My struggle as a mother, as a government servant, as a sibling to my sisters and brother have paid. My brother's house had completed and soon he will move in. 

I can now focus all my energy and time to be close to You.. O Allah. 

Congratulations my son.. Am.. We love you and we are proud of you.. 

Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Thank You Allah The Greatest.. 

Our Family.. 

Wut 

Life goes on..

                   My love..

My baby turned to be 14 years old last weekend.. Such a short 14 years and forever I would never stop loving her more and more. She has grown up to be a beautiful girl with awesome personalities and kindness.

She had never raised her voice to me.. I would never tolerate it.. Many times when we were alone I talked to her about morale and attitude. I constantly remind her about praying and reciting Quran.

And still, her English is more dominant and speaking Malay sounds awkward. She understands better when I speak to her in English and Malay is more used to reprimand her. 

Every time we are outside, she keep holding my hand crossing the road or stepping over the monsoon drain, climbing steps and every time making sure I am safe. I used to do that to her, but now it's her time to look after me.. I don't ask her her to do that but she knows that her mother is an old lady now.. 

I could spend hours gazing at her lovely face, looking for my trace and my husband's or where the combination starts. She would smile sweetly and my heart melts..

My dear Aurora Johanna.. 

Please grow up to be healthy, kind, obedient muslimah.. I will go away one day but I really need you to continue to take care of ayah for me.. You are the present from Allah the Greatest and you are my hope.. 

I love you my love.. Happy 14th birthday.. 

Wut

The next phase..

 It was a busy month.. August. 4 years had passed eventhough the pain still lingers. Less hurting but the memories sometimes come up. Well.. I have moved on with my life.

My brother with his wife and my recently pensioned sister have been all around to amuse ourselves. My sister and I had cooked a lot of my brother's favourite dishes and had a feast at his rented home or at my house or at the jogging park near here. We brought along the plates, cups, tea and coffee even my pressure cooker to the eparl and had many lovely picnics there.

We had 2 or 3 times breakfast every week at his house..or simply having a chat after our morning walk. I have enjoyed my self and life is a complete circle.. Spending old time with my love ones is pure heaven.

We had a trip to Teluk Intan visiting our neighbour in Pahang or recently went fishing at a nearby pond. Just enjoying each other. 

One day, my old friend in university days contacted me asking if my son, Am, having any intention of getting married. I said not at the moment since he is just starting to work after finishing his master. My friend, Lah said if we could match Am with her first daughter, Ara with Am.

Suddenly it struck to me.. My children have grown up.. People have started asking.. 

Wut