Hospitalised..

                    From YouTube

All along my life, I have never been admitted in hospital wards  except for pregnancy cases or deliveries. Nevertheless, year 2025 broke my record.

Last Tuesday, Aurora had a school off so we went out late for breakfast. Early morning I had some fried bananas and  and later some mee hon soup. That afternoon I had some rice with a fried fish. Almost immediately I felt something was wrong. 

I vomited everything.. Non stop. My husband drove me to emergency. After drip I refused to be admitted and went home. The whole night I could not even keep a few sips of water in my tummy.. All out and by the next morning I was too weak and my husband had to carry me back to emergency. 

No choice I had be warded. Meaning the doctors were going to study me, my health history and all. Of course my diabetics would be the major drawback. 

3 days and 2 nights I had my holidays in the ward which was more like a nightmare. I could not move, I vomited and every inch of my two arms were jabbed for drip and insulin. I lost count how many times my blood was taken for tests. 

When the doctor came to my bed the third morning and broke the news that I would be discharged, it was the happiest moment in my life. 

Until now, I feel weak. Slowly my appetite came back and the vimitting completely stopped. Alhamdulillah.. Thank You Allah. 

To all the doctors ( young and handsome.. Woww).. nurses and even the cleaners.. Thank you so much. You are all great workers. 

To my dearest sister De, Jun..Abg  E.. Thank you for your care and love and food. And my husband and kids.. You are the reasons I want to home... Love

Wut

New Year 2025

 I feel so old.. And so grateful that I am still alive today. I had never thought I could manage to come to this new year.. Year 2025.

I am so grateful with so many things.. My life is blessed with so much happiness and contentment. I have everything and enough. 

Happy New Year all. 

        My beautiful children.. 

Wut

Go and shine my son..

Yesterday marked another important date in my life.. 

On Friday afternoon, my husband drove us to Bangi to Am's apartment and we spent the night there. Right after Subuh we went straight to WTC KL to attend Am's master graduation. 

This time, my husband and I agreed to let Ayuni and Aurora to go inside the hall on parents tickets. We just spent time sitting in front of the big screen watching the event from outside. My long last friend Mani came and I spent long hours catching up stories with her.

Later we went to have lunch at the nearby mall and she went back to her house taking LRT. 

Am had finally graduated with flying colours. There were only 3 more students taking the same course.. Water and Hydrolic Engineering...A joint programme with IHE Netherlands. He had received his master scroll from IHE in July and from UNiKL today. 

Everything had come to the final. The struggling years had ended. Not just to him but to me too. I have rest my case. Now, I just have to focus on Aurora's education.. She have already aimed for Multimedia or specifically on animation.. She knows her passion. 

O Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.. 

Thank you so much for Your guidance and kindness.. I am finally be at peace as every things had come down to their places. My struggle as a mother, as a government servant, as a sibling to my sisters and brother have paid. My brother's house had completed and soon he will move in. 

I can now focus all my energy and time to be close to You.. O Allah. 

Congratulations my son.. Am.. We love you and we are proud of you.. 

Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Thank You Allah The Greatest.. 

Our Family.. 

Wut 

Life goes on..

                   My love..

My baby turned to be 14 years old last weekend.. Such a short 14 years and forever I would never stop loving her more and more. She has grown up to be a beautiful girl with awesome personalities and kindness.

She had never raised her voice to me.. I would never tolerate it.. Many times when we were alone I talked to her about morale and attitude. I constantly remind her about praying and reciting Quran.

And still, her English is more dominant and speaking Malay sounds awkward. She understands better when I speak to her in English and Malay is more used to reprimand her. 

Every time we are outside, she keep holding my hand crossing the road or stepping over the monsoon drain, climbing steps and every time making sure I am safe. I used to do that to her, but now it's her time to look after me.. I don't ask her her to do that but she knows that her mother is an old lady now.. 

I could spend hours gazing at her lovely face, looking for my trace and my husband's or where the combination starts. She would smile sweetly and my heart melts..

My dear Aurora Johanna.. 

Please grow up to be healthy, kind, obedient muslimah.. I will go away one day but I really need you to continue to take care of ayah for me.. You are the present from Allah the Greatest and you are my hope.. 

I love you my love.. Happy 14th birthday.. 

Wut

The next phase..

 It was a busy month.. August. 4 years had passed eventhough the pain still lingers. Less hurting but the memories sometimes come up. Well.. I have moved on with my life.

My brother with his wife and my recently pensioned sister have been all around to amuse ourselves. My sister and I had cooked a lot of my brother's favourite dishes and had a feast at his rented home or at my house or at the jogging park near here. We brought along the plates, cups, tea and coffee even my pressure cooker to the eparl and had many lovely picnics there.

We had 2 or 3 times breakfast every week at his house..or simply having a chat after our morning walk. I have enjoyed my self and life is a complete circle.. Spending old time with my love ones is pure heaven.

We had a trip to Teluk Intan visiting our neighbour in Pahang or recently went fishing at a nearby pond. Just enjoying each other. 

One day, my old friend in university days contacted me asking if my son, Am, having any intention of getting married. I said not at the moment since he is just starting to work after finishing his master. My friend, Lah said if we could match Am with her first daughter, Ara with Am.

Suddenly it struck to me.. My children have grown up.. People have started asking.. 

Wut 

The meeting..

 After few months texting and calls, I finally went to the nearby town to meet that lady. I brought my sister with my husband driving, to meet her at her school since she is a teacher there.

The lady was so fragile.. Awkward.. She was trembling.. Scared? Or may be overwhelmed of meeting the lady who used to be her husband first wife. 

Me? Just a normal aqquintance as I used to meet a lot of people when I was working then. 

My reason to see her is to collect the faraid documents to be signed by both my children. However when I got home I checked and found fault on the document so it needed amendment because my daughter can't put down her signature as her ic numbers are wrong. It would be void.

That was not the reason why until now at this moment I feel melancholic. My minds keep rewinding old stories which hurt me so much and I really want to forget. By dealing with this lady, my heart is aching and I can't wait for this matter to finish and I can block her number. 

I know she is not an evil person as she tried hard to rightfully dividing her deceased husband money. And I salute her for that. However, I have moved on and I don't want anything to do with her in laws. And this things dragging my feet back to old sadness.

Now, I trully believed.. Kifarah is real. Never hurt anybody, because before you die, you will pay. 

Or in this case, even after you die, you still pay. 

Wut

Mak..

                   From Youtube

 I have never written here about my mom.. Such a special person, such a painful story, such a deep cut in my heart when she was gone leaving me speechless and grieving until now. Not that I did not wholeheartedly accept what had been decreed by The Almighty of her leaving this world so soon. It was fated and Allah knows best. 

Mak.. 

After 24 years.. A long 2 decades you have gone..but I felt it was only yesterday. I was in school when I received a call from my brother giving me this heartbreaking news..

"Mak meninggal.."

Mak.. Mak.. Why are you leaving me.. Mak

I cried so hard.. Uncontrolled 

Just 15 days before I travelled back by bus with my children.. Am 4 years old and Ayuni 2,to my village some 300 km to see her..to send her to Kelana Jaya before she flied to Mecca performing Hajj.

And now she would never come back to us.. 

And just a month before she flied, my first husband divorced me.. Leaving me alone with my 2 kids far and far away from my family. I really lost my mom.. My backbone.. My savior.. My mak.. 

It was the lowest point of my life.. Her passing.. Even my divorce was not hurting that much compared to losing my mak when I needed her most. She never came back.. She passed away 12 days before wukuf and was buried in Maala Mecca. 

Before going inside the Tabung Haji building in Kelana Jaya,, we were crying letting her go.. She asked me what do I want.. I said I want nothing.. Just prayer that I will be happy.. She cried and answered.. "If I can exchange my life with your happiness.. I would.. As long as you are happy" 

The sentence.. Her last sentence to me.. Makk

True to her words.. Allah granted her wish. After few years I got married again.. Happy eventhough not a bed of rosses but I am happy.. 

However, I lost her.. Since then, not even a day I did not remember her.. She traded her life with my happiness.. Makk

I will see you soon Makk.. 

Wut