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This week was only filled up with meetings and troubles.

Almost everyday I had meeting..sometimes until late in the evening. If I just go and sit and listen and later do nothing it would only cause me bored . However if before meeting I had to prepare a lot of things, explained many things during meetings and later after meeting tons of tasks follow up...it caused fatigue until I ready to collapse as early as 8 o'clock at night.  And to make things worse, this coming week, I will be busier than ever. Please help...!!!

I don't have a Facebook account. I simply don't want other people to know me more than I want them to. Nevertheless, my husband has one and now it gives me ( the wife ) a lot of pressures. Some of his  family members are using the fb to send stupid comments and some are very childish. It involved my husband,of course. As an outsider I just keep myself quiet..let them have their fits, but I admit I am not happy with this. Facebook is supposed bring them together not the opposite.

Aurora Johanna's update

Eating icecream

Enjoying her ballons

Anak manja ayah..

Lying down...ready to sleep

Sleeping time..so sweet

Last few weeks I have been updating more about other people, my feelings, my work place and less entries about my baby. She is growing up well, weighs around 11 kilos..taller than other babies of her age..cuter..picky about food, but always opens her mouth wide for chicken or fish..spends less time sleeping in the afternoon and sleeps late at night..(yang ni tak tahan nih)..coz the mother's eyes will be blurry around 10 o'clock.

Besides her 'selimut bucuk' she keeps on adding her favourite things to be close to her including all her small pillows..her bed...me..and her ayah. We love u sayang..so much.

My first move...

Many things had happened since the last time I put my entry. I had one shocking news about my relatives, few sad stories about my friends and many days spent thinking about myself...and now one first big move after I had done thinking. I am deeply, deeply stressed out and seriously thinking of moving out of here. I know I cannot get it done as quickly as I want, so my first move is putting a distance with every body here. Then it would not be awkward for either me or  them if I have to move out immediately. I totally ignore the crowd and stay inside my room all the time and only go out to attend important matter. Let is be.

Later this afternoon I have a date with my sister. We are in a mission which is quite impossible to accomplish. We are going to my cousin's house to comfort her, to help ( how), to lend our ears,  to offer a shoulder to cry on,  even to cry together...She is not feeling well with chronic asthma and emotionally suffers because  her husband is having extra marital affair with another lady....(sign).. I am tired of looking for the answer of why this world is full with cruel people? I am tired. Really tired.

A matter of heart...

These last few days I come across many interesting and some surprising love stories. I watched a few love movies during the valentine's week on tv but this one story told by one of my colleague's put me in awe and sticks in  my mind..making me thinking.

She is named A..a successful career woman, married with 2 growing up kids, stable and loving husband. Leading a normal life but now helplessly falling in love ( ? ) with a colleague in her office, a new boy, single, not so good looking but somehow attracts her so much. I was shocked when she told me since the last time we met, about a year ago, she has been depressed with this  new and distressing  problem..liking someone whom she is not supposed to like..missing someone whom she is not supposed to miss..and loving someone who is not her husband.

I asked her the most simple question which she could not answer. WHY? The husband is okay, the marriage is fine but she could fall for someone else whom does not even know that he is loved. I could just advised her to get back to reality and concentrate on her career and family but I know her very well. She is not a play girl or just can simply like someone else. There must be some thing missing in her marriage until she could like some one else. Or am I wrong? Does she really in love or just infatuation?

I wonder if we could fall in love again even we have reached the old age and in this case why should she fall in love? She has every thing. And she wouldn't want losing that every things, would she?

To end our conversation, I just said to her, may be this is really love..but will only stay as love..love without fulfilment, without the other person needs to know about your feeling towards him..love which stays in our heart forever..She cried. Poor her. I just cannot help out. A matter of heart is the most difficult matter of all.

Until now I keep thinking..

Love..

 

 From Google..

 What  is love?

It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. But no one can give the proper definition of love. To some Love is friendship set on fire for others Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

My friend asked me that question. I was quiet for a moment, looking for the answer. Returned home I googled..and here are some definitions of what is love. My definition on love is the last one.

1) According to psychology...love is associated with three components.. Intimacy, Commitment, and   Passion.  Well...have you had all that  now..or used to have?

2) Love, what is this mysterious feeling or emotion that causing people to die, to come alive, and to become more then they ever imagined.

3) "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
The question is..are you happy now? Is it worth to be sad over someone you called your loved one?

4) "Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing." - Goethe
Or this one says the truth in your relationship now?

5)  For me..love lives in my heart  as I offer love,compassion, loyalty,caring to the people who mean a lot  to me. It does not matter whether I get it back from them or not. I am just happy if they feel they are loved by me,cared by me even until I die..I will always pray that they will be fine. The unconditional love I have been enjoying all the time now is the love from The Almighty...

So, T..I hope the answers satisfy you. I know the question "What is love?" is actually a question asking me the solution to your problem. I am sorry ....because truly I can not find the best answer..and I really cannot present a solution for to your marriage problem...I can offer you only love and caring as friends.This life is to be lived on..may be one day before we close our eyes, you and me could finally find  the answer.

Until then..enjoy the love lavishly poured by Allah..He loves us all..the Greatest Love of All..

Mood swinging..

I took a day off on Wednesday..simply had no mood to work. Actually that was my early intention. However, thinking I might change my mind, I had my clothes pressed that night and other things were prepared for the early morning routine.

Nevertheless, the very same night Aurora had a bad sleep. She stayed up late and after she finally asleep, she kept on waking up and cried. I had to get up several times, sleepy and grumpy at the same time. Finally she went to sleep undisturbed after I recited some holy doa's and Yassin. Well, I did bring her out that night..which I rarely did so because I still believe in certain superstitious that it is not 'proper' to bring a baby out at night or coming back near Maghrib prayer.

I overslept, woke up near 6.00 am. My girl went to school but I stayed at home. 6.00 am was very late for me to go to work. I was very happy staying at home. I felt relieved for being able to skip going to office. That bad..I really am not happy with my working place until I enjoyed myself to the fullest every second I was away. Hmm..I must do some thing about this..and soon.

I went to work on Thursday. My boss was happy to see me because immediately he asked me to see him to discuss several important things. In the afternoon, I had a meeting outside. During that meeting, I learned that what I was hoping ( the transfer of some 'irritating' persons ) was pulled out. Meaning, cancelled. Hmm..that was a bad news to me..really bad news. It makes me find it harder to stay here. It makes my decision to go from here becomes the only way out.

I had seen very little of that person which made me wonder whether it was intentionally or what? All at sudden, I felt so sad.

To overcome this swinging mood, I made myself busy. Yesterday afternoon, I baked some bread for today's breakfast or as snack. The red bean buns and pizza buns came out nicely. I made it big ..a giant size. It was soft and tasted so good. Aurora eats them a lot. I will put the recipe later..if I remember..hehhe

Until then..happy weekend..

My red bean buns..a giant size

Mini pizza buns..a closer look

Aurora ...my  sweetest bun..on her way mandi

Aurora is 16 months old!

The blanket end in her mouth...errr..eee 

With 'pokok kelapa' 

The new hair cut 

Pulls her 'selimut bucuk' everywhere

16 months..with new experiences..new habits..such as:-

1) She loves her 'selimut busuk' so much..cannot sleep without it..walking all around with this blanket..would suck each end of the blanket..yuckk!!! My hubby had to buy another one with the same colour so I could wash the other.

2) She loves Baby TV on Astro and Timmy Time the Goat on Astro Junior. I wonder whether she understood them?

3) She loves walking out every afternoon..playing with the slippers outside the front door and very much attracted with clothes hanger. Hangers?

4) I tried so many recipes of rice porridge..with anchovies, with fish fillets, with chickens bits..sometimes I put some coconut milk..sometimes chicken soups..fish soups..every thing under the sun..sometimes she eats a lot..sometimes very little..hmm

5) She is very heavy..carrying her for two minutes would cause me backache..

6) She hates her hair to be touch..combed..tied with 'pokok kelapa', wear hair clips, hair bands..like other cute little girls..(siksa sungguh if have to). Her hair was a mess..so we cut it..cut the front fringe..and layer the back hair..my Goodness..needed two grown up to handle her during the task..

7) She loves me and her dad so much..sometimes she is confused because when she is crying, she calls 'maaaa'. She does not have the vocab 'ayah' to address her dad yet.

8) We loves her very much too..every time I am away I will think about her..miss her like crazy..heheh

Mother..

I was busy since Friday and will continue be busy till Sunday. My son came back Friday afternoon after Jumaat prayer bringing a friend. The hostel will be closed down for the whole coming week as it will be used for a Cricket games so the students were asked  to go home. It posed problems for the students who stayed far because just a week a ago they already went home for Chinese New Year break. My son's friend came to stay overnight at our house because that Friday afternoon he could not get a ticket home and the parents could not come to fetch him. Having  guests at home means I have to cook special dinner and breakfast to honour their stay. It was okay with me as long as they feel welcomed.

Saturday noon, after sending my son's friend to the bus station, we went for a wedding kenduri. It was my colleague's daughter wedding. On the way back, we dropped by my baby sitter's house to help out since her daughter is getting married the next day..means today. Actually Kak Nor used to take care my son and his sister when they were small..long time ago when we used to be neighbour's. I keep on contact with her and keep visiting her every time I could because I felt I owe her a lot when she looked after my children. She is kind and very helpful.

When we arrived at her house, it was all very quiet. It surprised me because a wedding which would take place next day would surely create crowd. There were only her and her daughter at home. Kak Nor greeted us quietly which was very odd because she is the loud spoken and happy kind of lady. I could feel the tension between her and the daughter. I knew she was not happy with the marriage because the guy the daughter is marrying is a jerk.. yes he is a jerk for he has been doing a lot of things which hurt his mother in law. Kak Nor is single mother who of course loves her only child..even the child never considers her feeling as mother. If I could speak to the daughter, I would say never marry any one without your mother's blessing. The mother who brought you up with so much pains and sufferings. Kak Nor does not have permanent job but could send the daughter to Uni, graduated and now is working with good salary. Even after so many advises the mother gave, she still continue marring this guy. I have been listening to Kak Nor's lamenting about her daughter's attitude for many times. And I feel bad for her because the daughter does not take heed to whatever she said.

So, today we went to the hall for the kenduri.  When it was the time for the bride's mother to"tepung tawar", Kak Nor refused to go to the "pelamin". Few times the emcee called her, still she did not make a move. I finished eating and went to the entry of the hall to ask her to go to the bride's wedding dais, still she refused to go. I could do nothing more. I felt sad for the bride but I felt sadder for the mother.

Tomorrow I will go to her house for another doa selamat kenduri even though she is supposed to send the daughter to the  boy's side "kenduri". She simply does not want to go...hmm. What a bad start for the beginning of a life journey between a couple. I just pray for the best.

So much work..so little time

I have tons of work. Besides the normal ones, there are meetings to chair or to attend, several working papers to be sent to the boss, minutes to be typed..discussions with the boss, with my subordinates etc. Oh my..where I am going to start? But still I manage to steal few minutes to put new entry in my blog. Why? Coz I am so stressed out and this blog is for me to unwind, to relax, to express my feelings..

Just after lunch break an officer came to see me asking for my signature over some documents. Later we had a chat regarding the reasons for him to apply for a course..in other words he was not happy to be in the office thus wanting to attend a short course. Hmm..I was thinking there goes another fellow who too is not happy to be here. Not just me alone then..However both of us are having different reasons to apply out. Him, wanting to explore opportunities outside the working environment. Me, applying out because I am scared of losing my patient over few office mates here and..afraid of losing control over my emotions over some body..

What a complicated life..or I wonder am I making things complicated when actually things are simple and are not so burdensome. Well.. let me sleep over it. One thing I am sure of..I am not the only one with this limbo feeling..at least there is another person who shares the same boat..