A deep thought..

After the event had ended successfully, things have slowed down and I go back to my normal routine..quietly. I am in deep thought, trying to make a difficult decision...to stay or to leave. Within a week I have to decide and to act. I have been writing in this blog of my intention to move for many times. However, when it comes to act, I still have few considerations.

First, the few 'pain in the ass' people (excuse me). They are quiet now. Nevertheless, I don't think they are really quiet. My experience tells me they are discussing something..planning something..even they seems nice to me. I don't believe them. I never let down my guard. I am always aware and keep my eyes on them. Once is enough. And they are still around..

Second, that person. Since a month ago, I have managed to control my emotion. I have prayed hard, read many blogs and books to keep my motivation high. I believe that Allah has granted me peace and heals my pain because now I can put aside that disturbing thought everytime I come across that person. Let it be. I have my own stand, my own life..so I will let that person to do whatever her/his wishes. You like me..fine. You hate me? Fine..let's move on.

Third, I am not sure I can swap place with my friend. To simply filling in the transfer form, to get approval from my boss, was futile. He already told me he will not let me go. Full stop. So, I was thinking to swap place with my friend. That was the original intention. Until now I am still contemplating of this final option. With this option, I don't have to get approval from my boss..I can just go to the regional boss and tell story. Nevertheless, the fourth reason stops my pace.

Fourth, I pity my boss. Yes, pity him. I don't have the heart to go behind his back, dicsuss with his boss of my intention to transfer. It is because somehow, my regional boss will be asking me of my reasons to transfer and it will, yes, WILL sure put tarnish on my boss's reputation. It will show that my boss is unable or fail to manage his staffs and worse, fails to keep his right hand man ( me) to his side so much so until his important man (me..again) asks for transfer. (Sigh...) Hmm..thinking about that makes me unhappy. My boss is a very good man..never hurts me, never burden me with works, he lets me do my things in my own way..I am sad to leave him..pity him to get my friend to replace me because I know my friend..knows her very well.

All the above reasons make me think..until now.