Some pics of her..

Many months have passed by..Here are some memorable pics of her.

Thinking my dear?

On dad's lap

Enjoying the pillows in Ikea..can't resist to kiss her..

My girls on my graduation's day..

In Lumut..sending me off for course

Blue butterfly Mummy..her play dough

My children on Eid..

And she loves bananas so much..

Sleeping..too tired Mummy

At ETS station on our trip..

Play bubble Mummy..

My lovely Aurora..

Till then..

Stressed out!

I had neglected my blog for so long..the longest time ever since I have started blogging. My sister's sudden death was and still giving me a hard time. I have accepted the fact that she had gone but the incident leaves me a very strong emotional impact. After she had gone I have become a more thoughtful person. Remembering the old times when we were young..when my mother was around..Those thoughts and the series of journey down the memory lanes making me more quiet and withdrawal.

However life runs as usual. The coming year end creates more and more work, more heartache and more stress. Since Monday I have been in deep pool of chaos. Visitors to be entertained, programs to run, people to handle and I was alone...my boss is never around when I need him thus I work alone.  The stress level is so high until  I shed tears. Truly, I felt demotivated and demoralised. Taking advantage on people weaknesses  for me is an act of cruelty. I wanted to say I hate my boss but actually I feel sad for him. He is slow and too soft to handle his staffs. He can't even make his staff do their work and fails to show a good example.  He rather passes the work to other people who perform rather than making sure each and every individual performs. Being selfish, he wants to save his face  but he breaks my heart. His most important second man.

My private life is blossoming. Am is doing well in his study. Recently he managed to secure two dean's list certificates for achieving excellent results in his first and second semester exam. My girl Ayuni is preparing hard for her SPM. And my Aurora is getting bigger and developed to be a beautiful flower in  our hearts  that blooms with  colours of joys  and sweet smell.

Till then.

Laksa Kg Tebuk Yan..a plate of deliciousness and an act of kindness.

Plain looking laksa..but trust me it was very good. At least to my taste.

Last Monday at my work place, while busying running here and there finishing my chores, out of sudden I had an urge..to eat something sour and tasty. At that moment I remembered someone posted on my husband's wall in FB, a laksa shack in Kg Tebuk Yan in Pantai Remis Perak. It was mentioned as to be very tasty and worthwhile the drive all the way from here..some 100 over km. I must be crazy..and my husband must be crazy too for he managed to be coaxed to join my craziness..The time showed nearly 3 o'clock in the noon and by the time I reach home, getting ready to start the journey, it would be very late. Yup...we started from home at almost 4 o'clock and the worst thing was we did not have any idea where the laksa shack was located...and yes, we took our chance..driving over 100 km for something unsure.

We reached Pantai Remis nearly 5.40..bought some fresh seafood there and asked around the location of the laksa shack. My thought that if the laksa was delicious enough, surely people over there would know the place. True enough, the boy we asked knew the place and agreed that the laksa was actually good and very famous. He gave us the route and we quickly drove there. 

It was around a 5- minutes -drive from the small town of Pantai Remis, turned into a small road of Kampung Tebuk Yan, drive along the  oil palm trees and after 3 minutes we saw the shop. Nobody could guess that there was a shop there because it was a very quiet road and not many houses around. We slowed down and I could see it was closed already. And I saw somebody gave a signal that business was over that day. I was quite unhappy. We have traveled far..

My husband stopped the car and went out to ask. He came back a few seconds later and asked us to come out too. The boy to whom my husband talked to was too kind and offered us to have the laksa even it was over their business time half an hour before. I was speechless because never I came across people took the trouble entertaining late comers. 

So we watched the two boys took out the bowls..grated the ice to make us ABC, watched them moving  inside the house to reheat the broth..cut onions..chilies...lettuce..and came to us bringing the food. I had my first taste of the broth. Yup..it was no joke..it was one of the tastiest laksa broth I had ever tasted..in fact it was the best. And the kindness showed by one of them by keeping  us company while we were enjoying the food making it double the taste. Frankly I salute the boy..a UiTM student on his semester break helping his mother selling laksa. Very down to earth..polite and friendly.

After eating, my husband wanted to pay for the food. I was again stunned and was at aw when the boy said " Ibu kata tak payah bayar..sedekah" My husband insisted to pay but he still refused. I lost my words. I could only said thank you. Really from the dept of my heart. Good people with good service and good food hardly come along your way and when I came across one, I was thankful enough for I think an act of kindness is actually a rare gem and I am glad to meet one. 

We went home feeling happy. My rezeki was on that day and I am glad we made the journey. It was worthwhile. Thank you Nabil and his mum. Thank you so much.

The saddest day..

Last Monday..14.4.2014
I started the day as usual. My boss was not around for 4 days so I was ready to take over the office during his absence. I noticed the date. I even mentioned to my clerk that the date was special, rarely come across. Only once a year. It never cross my mind that the date noted another saddest day in my life.

I got a call from my hubby around 2.00 pm. He asked me the usual question."Where are you?..I said " In my room, why?" He asked me to brace myself and quietly broke to me the bad news. My eldest sister, Yong passed away around 1.40 pm. I could not not believe it. She was not sick..well not seriously sick. Just feeling a bit of unwell but nothing serious. I could stop it. I cried. Went to call my colleague  and drove home crying. Many times during the red lights I wiped my tears because I could not see and thus could not drive.

We reached Sg Bakap around 5.30 pm. Just in time to watch my other sister and few others dried Yong's body after the bath. My tears dropped unstoppable and I did not bother to wipe them when I saw her face. She did not look dead, she was just asleep. Peacefully sleep.

It was a fast routine. They quickly finished their work and after the prayer, we followed the van to Bagan Dalam. There my niece waited at the Muslim Cemetery where my sister's body finally rested. The imam was about to finish his talkin when the mosque nearby called for  the Maghrib Prayer. I wished I could stay longer there, to speak to her..to be with her for a while but we had to go...

Until now, even when  typing this entry I am crying. So many things to say but the words got stuck in my throat. Gone my sister..the sister who replaced my mom who had left us  many years ago. She was 54 and my mom was 57. Both had difficult life...suffered in marriages and both had no serious illness. My mother passed away performing Haj..my sister passed away in her sleep...Both never had any last words for us..and both left us unexpectedly.

Ya Allah.. the Al-Mighty..
Truly I am sad. I have so many questions but only You know why they have to go early. Please  show them mercy. They have suffered for so long. Please forgive their sins and lend them peacefulness until they day when we will all come for your judgement.

Yong..you are deeply missed. Al-Fatihah...

His birthday present..

Many things had happened within these few weeks. School holidays..before that I managed to finish up two wedding cakes orders...then children come home for the holidays. Anduk  from SABDA and Am from KL. Then on Tuesday we took ETS from here..went straight to KL Central..took commuter to UKM. Took a cab to PROTON in Bandar Baru Bangi to collect Am's present..a car..a brand new one. A SAGA FLX. Then my hubby drove us home in the new car and we arrived quite late that night nonstop.. except for dinner and break.

        A new experience for Aurora taking a train drive. She was happy and didn't sleep at all. However it was very tiring and I was glad that we finally arrived at KL safely and got into a car because Aurora really needed her afternoon nap. She slept for two hours and my left hand was in an excruciating pain.. I took panadol but it is painful until now.

       So Am got a car. Something I didn't want to buy and wanted to buy. Well, I didn't want to buy but I had to buy for his sake. I am deeply worried thinking of him driving from and to college but I have no choice. Rather than motorcycle I prefer him driving a car. However still I do not trust him driving alone to BBB today so he had to take ETS to go back to BBB and next weekend my husband is sending the car to him.

      Sayang, take care. We love you so much, so please make sure you drive carefully. For us the car is not important..but you.

      The house is quiet now. I am lonely again.

Till then..

Happy..

Fascinating...

Happy 19th Birthday to my son..

Am

Within a few hours time, Am will turn to be  a 19 years old young man. Thinking about that, I discussed with my hubby that tomorrow we will visit him in Bangi. This year we have not bought any present yet but we had something in mind to buy for him. Its a big thing, so we need to take sometimes to deal with the purchasing process. Still, we will bring him out for birthday lunch, just to spend time together, to show to him how much we love him and we do not forget him or his birthday.

Muhammad Idham..my son, I think you know we have so much hopes on you. You are our only son so we have nurtured you with so much love and compassion. We have given you the best education we could, the caring, supportive and loving family so that you could study in calm. And I have given you a father and two sisters who love you so much beyond words.

My son..year by year, you have grown up to be a humble, simple, quiet and a passionate young man. My life used to be in a mess, but you and your sisters had never been a burden or a problem to me. Instead, all of you are my source of happiness and calmness. All the time, you have given me strenght to push forward and to excel in life. True, I had a hard time during pregnancy, delivering but all of you  have never been the difficult children to be raised up. All the time, you have made me the proud mum ever by being an obedient, sweet, helpful, clever and the most important is to be the medicine to heal my past wound. You are the best gift granted by Allah to me. And for that I thank you so much for giving me so much unconditional love, being understanding  and be comforting all along my way.

Be a good man, my son. Be a good muslim, a caring brother to your sisters, an obedient son to your ayah, a loyal and loving man to your- wife- to- be, and Insyallah I have never missed praying for you. Mak redha setiap apa yang mak beri pada Am daripada setiap titik susu mak sejak Am lahir sehinggalah sekarang...apa sahaja....masa, material atau kasih sayang. Mak sayangkan Am sepenuh jiwa raga mak..moga Am berjaya dan bahagia di dunia dan di akhirat.

Thank You Allah for giving me these beautiful children..

Happy Birthday Am..

Aurora is 41 months today..

Today marks her 41 months birthday..3 years and 5 months old. I do no wish to write long about my toddler since that there are not many new things. Her vocab is bigger now. She manages to construct simple two or three words sentences. It's okay for me since she could understand instructions and could understand simple reasoning. All except buying new toy every time she sees one. Sigh...that is one thing I could not simply comply with. I got fed up watching her toys all around the the living room...so many until it got me mad. So last night, after she fell asleep, I got around two boxes, packed all her unwanted and unnoticed toys and chucked them away in Am's room and locked it down. Done!! My mind was at ease seeing not so many toys around. That's a big relief. Whew!

So here are some of her photos taken with my 360 camera. Let the photos do the talking.

Equatorial Cameron Highlands

Comic Fiesta KLCC

Tired..

Lost appetite....Station 18, Ipoh

With her fav toy..Johnny Pinky

Perasan lawa...hehe..my 'anak dara'

No Mum..Sorry Mum ( kes tak mau makan)

Still my baby...after bath

The new hair cut..posing

The recent pic..all my children..Mydin Meru for Bowling Tournament

Till then..

Lost my mood...

My baby 

I am lonely. Idham has gone back to his collage and Ayuni has started her form 5 year away from home. Left me with Aurora and hubby at home. Aurora fills up her time with her toys..and toys. My hubby is busy with his newly acquired 'toy' which is more amazing than me. I am left with my house chores..doing my office work or just watching tv on my own. Most of the time feeling lazy and laying around. Lucky for me my baby is here to keep me busy.

I was told not to cook every day. Only two adults left and much of the food cooked was wasted..unfinished. So we resort to eating outside for dinner or just take away from mamak stall nearby. Truly I am bored eating outside food. I want to cook but nobody wants to eat...to enjoy my food. If Idham is around he would demolish my food like he has never eaten for several days or if Ayuni is at home she would accompany me in the kitchen chatting endlessly. At least I have someone to chat with..

This coming weekend we will travel to two different places to visit my children. At least  I will be busy rather than sitting at home doing nothing. With the old age catching up, money comes second. I need them more than ever.

A little update..on my toddler.

My love..Aurora

I have not written for a long time about my baby..now a toddler...3 years plus. Aurora is a big girl..quite tall, 94 cm. She weighs around 17 kilos and it breaks my back to carry her. It is a serious case of muscle cramps on my arms every time she  sleeps on my lap in the car. We have her usual small and well-loved mattress spread on the next seat but many time she had difficulties to fall  asleep there. She wanted to be cuddled, to be kissed, to listen to my reading of Al-Fatihah, the three Quls, Kursi..and slowly she would close her eyes especially on long journeys. I am amazed on how well she adapts to uncomfortable situations..she has never grumble or complaints, whimpers or cries if her sleep is disturbed or to be cut short. She could quickly feels refresh and smiles even she is still sleepy and wants to sleep longer. Sometimes I pity her when she was sleeping soundly, our car journey had ended or we had arrived to our destination and she had to wake up. However, every time she took it well. She is really a sweet, easy to handle and very understanding toddler.

Her vocabulary...still prefers English to BM. She speaks very little Malay. One or two words. Nowadays, she is able to construct simple sentences..two words sentences. For example, Mummy..eat (moving her fingers to her mouth). Meaning she is hungry. Or..Mummy..tummy (showing her tummy). Meaning she is full. Mummy..look..the blue bus. Or, Mummy...ayah gone (meaning her dad had gone out). When we makes jokes and she laughs she would say...funny...Mummy funny. Many times I was suprised with her word choice. She could pick up a big word and used it correctly.  She is very expressionistic..her facial expressions accompany every word she utters.

Now that her brother is at home, he is the one to play the toy golf set with her or to play football. She likes to play hide and seek with her dad. When she really wants something she would make the cute face, wrinkle her eyebrows, her fingers come together..and say...please..please. Immediately her dad melts..hehe. Now she demands a new toy every time we pass by the sundry shop near our house. Talking about toys...my...it could fill up a small  room. Every time she did some thing wrong  she would apologise and says..sorry mum, or sorry yai (ayah). One thing I could not say no to her is when she comes to me, kiss my hand, my lap, my arms..she loves me dearly..I know. However, her dad is her number one favourite person, in fact my husband is her every thing. She kisses her dad countless time but with me she treats me special in her own way. She kisses her dad every where on his face but to me she kisses me on my lips..Not with her dad, she won't do that.  In that way, I win..hehe.

I have started my campaign to send her to Taska. My husbands refused. He reasoned that we should wait one more year. He said Aurora is still a baby. She is still a baby to me but I wanted her to mix with other kids so she could develop bigger vocabs and have more friends. I will try to coax my husband later..

In short, she is growing up well. A bit slow compared to other kids of her age but she is a fast learner. Looking at her now..singing with her toy microphone making me smile and my heart feel warm and glow with love and gratefulness. Thank You Allah. She is a real gift.. a rare one.

Life is a Ferris Wheel..

I read in Net's blog and she mentioned that life is a Ferris wheel. I am not sure that my story here is considered "a ferris wheel" story but let's not judging people..Allah knows better and only He is the best Judge..

A couple of weeks before I was busy running the office when my clerk  knocked on my door telling me that there was someone wanted to see me. Fine, I said. Let he/she come in. He came inside. Immediately I noticed him. How could you forget a face that had made you sad and feel down.

14 years ago I had transferred here on an emergency ticket. I had made a police report on my ex-husband who had beaten me, harassing me and my two young children...4 and 2 years...making my life miserable and alone to his emotional and physical attacks. My boss there..a lady, had used her cables to put me to transfer at a 24-hour notice. I was helped by many people in the process and finally I had settled down here..finally at peace.

Later, after several months of settling down, I went to an ustaz's house. All I asked from him was to accept my children as his students to learn Muqaddam..Idham was 5 and Ayuni was 3..He said no..he had too many students he explained. I begged..please accept at least Idham. I knew he did not have many students as he hadmentioned. I knew it was a lame excuse.. And the wife was an ustazah. They were both teaching Muqaddhamto the  children in that area. Whatever I said, he kept on saying no. That was it. I went home. I cried. Just because I was a single mother, people looked down on me cynically.

I managed to get another ustaz far from my house but thinking that was my responsibility to give my children religious knowledge, I went on until they finished studying Al-Quran. I bought a house far from the place and I didn't see the ustaz who rejected my children until now.

He came into my room and asked for my signature as a witness because he is applying to further his study doing degree in local uni. Even though  I had a strong urge to reject him and tell him to go and see my boss to be a witness instead of me, I told myself don't do that to people. Let's not making people's life difficult. Let's not give back to him the same words he said to me 14 years ago. He suddenly asked me whether I was his neighbour in my old residential area. I simply said yes. I was sure he too could recall our encounter. He noticed me. He remembered his rejection. I said nothing else.

Then few days ago I heard the news that he had divorced the wife the ustazah and married another lady who happened to sit next to me in our meeting in KK. That was how I knew he had a divorce because I until now I am not a busy body person looking for juicy gossip. A divorce can happen to anyone..even to ustaz and ustazah.

Yeah, life is a ferris wheel. Allah is fair. Once I was on the begging side, the sadder side...now it was his turn. We were all in the same position. The only difference was, I was not cruel like him. I entertained him because it was Allah who put me on the top now and He is also the One who  put anybody including the ustaz at  the bottom when He wants.

Thank you Allah for giving me patience and strenght to put away my sad years behind. Thank You.

2014..here it comes

                               
                       

                                                      From google..

I had finished 2-days-meeting in a row. Very hectic but I felt better compared to last year's. May all be well this new year...May Allah grant me health to perform my countless duties, may all my children be happy and healthy, may our marriage be blessed with love and happiness forever. And may Allah grant all of you my friends and readers a happy and fulfilling year ahead. Take care.

Tomorrow we will Ayuni back to hostel. I will be lonely again.