Year 2023 is closing..

Time walks so slow if you are waiting for something but moves fast if you not expecting anything.. 

Year end coming soon.. However for me, I feel time stands still.. Only the days passed by, but I am stuck somewhere in the past..

Recently I remember my old times.. My childhood.. My old house in Pahang.. My mom.. My sister.. My dad..

Sibling connection is going stronger.. I went to visit Yong's grave.. And cried a lot there.. I could not help my self coz I missed her.. So much..

My only brother is coming back to Tapah for good.. He has been telling me his intention since January but I thought he was not serious.. He had a house in Johor..two companies..married a Johorian but wants to be close to me and my sister here..

Apparently, he is serious.. He sold his house there and discussed with his partner to sell his share.. But the partner refused..they still want him, needs his expertise for the business.. 

I went around to search for his house, to rent while looking for a piece of land to build his dream house near his siblings.. 

Such a very big step but he is adamant to spend his old years with us.. 

Welcome home dearest brother.. Abang E.. 

We always love you and cant  wait for us to grow old together...here.

Wut

A reminiscence

Thirteen years ago, my husband drove me to Ipoh for my doctor's appointment due to my pregnancy. I took a week off prior to my maternity leave because I was so big and panting every time I walked. I was due in 2 weeks time.

The appointment was in the afternoon so we went to have lunch at nearby cafe. While waiting for food to be served, I felt a cramp on my tummy. I told my husband but he was really ignorant and had no idea of why. 

After lunch we went to see doctor and he was surprised looking at the result. He asked me for how long I had this stomach cramp. I said few days already. My God, he said I was already in labour!

To cut short, at 9 pm that day, I delivered a healthy 3.4 kilos baby by cesarean section. And today we are going to celebrate her 13 years birthday. Seem like ages but I could still remember her sweet heaven smell when I hugged and kissed her for the first time.

I love you my sweety pie.. And forever I will. 

Till then

Wut

Allah is The Greatest..

 

There is no words to describe my feelings looking with my owns eyes, at the Ka'abah black boxy building for the first time ever in my life..

Five days before that we finally arrived at Medina Al Munawarrah as part of our pilgrimage. It was very warm.. 47 degree Celcius..when I stepped out of the air-conditioned bus that picked us at the airport. 

However, after 5 days there I was sad leaving Medina, sad leaving Prophet Muhammad and sad leaving my mum in Baqi.. I way shocked of the warm climate but I have fallen in love with Nabawi Mosque and the climate did not bother me.. 

Five days at Mecca Al Muqqaramah I did 3 umrah.. One for me, second for my mum and third time for my sis.. Yong. My hubby did for my dad and his mum.

It was a blessing from Allah the Almighty that both of us were healthy.. No sickness and we were always on time for our prays.. And my husband was amazing.. Almost every prayer he gotten into Rawdah and it was the opposite of me.. I just managed to get into it twice and did not stay inside long enough because there were too many people inside.

I wish I can go there again.. And I wish I can die there to join my mum and to be near my beloved Prophet. 

Till then.. 

Wut

An invitation..

 Since I was small, I had dreamt of getting the invitation.. From Allah to visit His home..

I had hoped to perform Hajj for so long but the waiting list is still impossible for my turn to come.. 

I prayed to Allah many many times.. Then I braced my self, withdrew my savings and paid the umrah travel agent.. Here we come.. 

Dear Allah the Almighty.. 

I am not rich.. I don't have much money.. But here is my part to visit Your Home.. To pay highest tribute and visit my Prophet as all other Muslims must do... At least once a life time.. And to visit my mum in  Maala.. She passed away there some 23 years ago.. 

May You ease our journey this August .. Truly.. I don't mind staying there forever since I had experience everything.. and I had dreamt to join my mother in her forever home.. 

Wut

A friend..

 I did not know how I got the mood of making 5 kinds of raya cookies.. Simple cookies but 5? New record for me coz never before I managed to bake cookies.. I used to buy last time.. May be because after 2 years, this was the time all of us were around for Eid.

We had simple celebration..going to Sg Buluh after the guys came back form the mosque.. Then rushed home to my sister's house..

The next day I had cooked some dishes then my sister came..and so far that were the two houses we went for Eid.

A week after that I had one day for Eid fast and going for the second day. However at 9 am I felt something wrong with my tummy and I started to go to toilet. That day, I spent most of my time in the toilet and it did not stop until 10 pm that day. I was week but I refused to go hospital. I know if  had gone to hospital, I would surely be warded. 

The next day my husband got a cal with a very bad news. His best friend since he was young had passed away his his hotel room in Thailand during a vacation. The terrible ordeal started on how to bring the body back to Kemaman to be buried. Going for vacation is fun when you are alive and healthy but when the opposite happened, it would a nightmare. Finally after 3 days they managed to bring him back.. 

My husband was quiet and seen looking out far in his thought after that. He was his close friend more like losing a brother.. Al Fatihah. 

Wut

A lifetime wish.. Al Qadar

 It has been more than a month I abandon the blog.. Not that I didn't have anything to write but I was quite buzy running house chores and personal things.

Some updating.. Aurora has started secondary school last March. I had bought the uniforms long time ago but putting on her 'tudung' every morning is very tedious coz with Ayuni, she could do it by herself. This secondary school scarf thing was something I had forgotten  already since Ayuni is already a grown  up lady. 

Ayuni too has started working.. She got a job at one of the leasing companies near KLCC.. It's her dream job.. She hates the desk work so this job as to select brands to open their new branch  at the mall of the highest building in KL, the 118 building is her wish come true. And surprisingly, the company she is working with now belongs to my husband's friend. What a small world. 

Am is trying hard to finish his thesis. He has come across problems in his writing but he managed to catch up. He should be able to finish up this June and after viva, he will seek job too. 

Me.. Just the same old woman. Spend more time on my own.. Cooking..reciting..resting..outing sampling food at different restaurants..and sleeping.. Enough to make me tired and content. 

Tomorrow we will drive to Bangi to break fasting with the children.. 

Till then.. 

P/s May all of us be granted a chance to meet Al Qadar.. Insya Allah.. By God Grace.. 

Wut. 

Melancholic..

 Alone at home.. Silence.

Remembering.. Everything.. 

                            From You Tube

Wut

The rainbow's end..

           From Youtube..Audrey Hepburn's Breakfast at Tiffany 

All of us are going after the same thing

The rainbow's end...

Wut

Misery..

You hurt me 2 years ago.. It was a big cut in my heart.. So painful.. making me suffer a lot.

The misery was not just because of your

cold treatment to me but the worse was the feeling of self realization that I was so stupid to believe in you and giving you a second chance. I hate my self for that.

You are really indispicable for just suddenly keeping quiet and making me hate my self more for still pinning on you.

Remember this.. I will not forgive you.. Forever.. 

Don't ask for forgiveness any more.. Even you are at your death bed..

I will never return to be the person you use to know.. 

I have changed. 

Wut

Finally..

             The first.. I have changed mine.. 

I am checking my feeling..

Do I feel sad? 

Longing? 

Happy? 

Or nothing? 

I saw that person.. Just now. 

With his partner.. 

And I did not know how to react.. 

 Wut