Chaos

Yesterday I had one of the most chaotic day at work. Luckily there were many people helped me to get things straight up. At the end of the day, all problems were taken care off but one. This 'perasan' person who always creates problems and spreads gossips. I had the urge to see this 'exasperating person' and bash her up. The only thing that stopped me was the thought that I was the most senior people around. I have to control my anger and my act. My boss is not around for a week so I have to take charge. I don't to create more havoc especially when my boss is not around.

I returned home with unhappy feelings. I was home late but still I managed to coak my husband to bring me and the children out. My head nearly burst with so many bees humming inside my brain. Late afternoon we went out. Just to wonder around the supermarket, ate, bought some t-shirts for Aurora, some veges and then we went home. Such a simple outing but at least my mind was clear. Before going to sleep, I vowed to take a day off the next day.

However, I still woke up around 5 a.m and cooked. And I still go to work.

And here I am in the office..scribble something.

Closing the final chapter..

I am in deep thought. Since I received this sms last week. Somebody wants to buy my old house in Kuantan. I was surprised on how could she get my number. I have changed my phone number a countless times since I moved out from Kuantan. My mood of the day suddenly went sombre because the house symbolizes the  memories of my old and sad life..more than a  decade ago. The memories which I have managed to put behind my subconscious thought..the time that I wish I have never had. Unfortunately, I had.

The person asked if she could buy the property. She is apparently my neighbour's sister there. I apologized for I have abandoned the house for so long thus creates a lot of problem by leaving the unattended 'small jungle' in the neighbourhood. I asked for some time to think and to discuss with my hubby of the offer. Now I am still thinking.

I am sure of not going back there. I had the worst time of my life in the house..in the town. I cringed the last time we went there..driving down the road and saw the crumbled house. I have started a new life here and I don't ever want to go back there. I had enough.

I have discussed with my boy since I would name the house after him. He too didn't want to stay there. The house was bought with my own money..and I am still paying near RM 1000.00 every month...for nothing. Never in my mind the idea of  leaving the house out of sudden..leaving all my furniture there..with only some possessions I moved to here. All because of the menace of one man..my ex. The house has become my liability..and my source of many years of pain and suffering. I have to let it go.

Now, I have finally opened my heart to finally closing the sad chapter of my life. I have started afresh and I am happy now. Let's cut the last string that connects me with my ex-husband. We  have our own ways now..and I believe that sad chapter of my life has come to the end.

Good bye house..


 

A late entry..My Love is 23 months!

My anak teruna and anak dara

My love..

On the way beraya..

The sisters..I think the younger sister will grow taller than the older sister..

 

 

Smiling..showing her teeth..near complete set

It has been more than a month I abandon my blog. Besides being so busy with life, with my family, work, with health problems..I just simply had no mood to write. Every day I tried my best to finish the house chores or sometimes baking projects..then without wasting much more time I quickly jump to bed. I wake up early every day so I need at least 5 hours undisturbed sleep. Aurora sleeps regularly at 10 p.m. I take the opportunity to sleep too. However if she does not sleep during the day time, she falls asleep earlier..around 8.30 p.m. It is better for me but the house would be quiet without her chatters. And finally I can watch other programme on tv..if she is around the tv would tune in to baby tv of disney junior..now I can memorize all the songs there..

      She eats a lot..getting heavier and taller. She eats any thing and every thing but not spicy thing of course. Once I tried to put in her rice a little bit of curry gravy..just to taste. She ate the rice a little, later refused. I just want her to be more adventurous in her diet..not like her dad. Very choosy. She still drinks her milk as usual. I am glad with that because some toddlers refuse milk after they take solid. I will try with some other food and see the reactions. She rarely falls sick, fever or flu. Her skin is so smooth and soft. Her cheeks turn red on hot day and I love to see that.

      She thinks her dad is hers alone. I cannot share her dad. She loves me, yes, but her dad is totally hers. Every time she sees me putting my head on my husband's shoulder, she would quickly making unhappy sound and immediately comes and pushes my head away..or my hand away from her dad. Hehe..Aurora..you are so jealous..but I love you so much so I don't mind that. If it is other woman..that's another story.

     My two older children had sat for their trial exams. Ayuni got 5 As and 3 Bs...Bs for English (English?..what??), History and Islamic Knowledge ( what?? Islamic Knowledge). Hmm..she has to study harder then rather than looking at me typing my entry now...smiling yer..exam dah dekat..bila nyer nak study dik oi.. Idham also got his result..6 As and 1 B and 2 Cs...Cs? Yup, C for Chemist and Add Maths and B for Biology.. My son..please study harder..both of you. I just pray to Allah that they will score all As in the real exams...Insyaallah..

    Till then..

p/s  Hi LW and net..how are both of you..Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir batin..


 

Aurora is 22 months old..

My love..

In towel after bath..while the elder sister lepak on the sofa..still in school uniform

Dah dibedak..sengih nampak gigi arnab dia..hehe

She is sleeping now. Her fever has gone...after 5 days. I cut her hair short. Not a nice cut though. She moved a lot..cried..very uncomfortable with the cut hair dropped to her body. We finished the task quickly. The result..her front fringe is somehow jagged..some too short. She looks like a real Chinese baby. However that was my best cut. If she could keep still, I would have done better.

I don't intend to write long..this is the only time I can write. There would be mountains of other chores waiting..

Till then..


 

Kak Anim

Aurora is not feeling well. Her fever has been lasting for 4 days already. After she took medicine ( an almost impossible task ) her fever dropped a bit but not even 4 hours later it came back. I am worried what would happen if I have to go back to work on Tuesday, have to leave her with the father since I had taken a day off last Friday. So we went to a kampong 10 km away to seek help from a regular village midwife. She did some jampi and massaged Aurora's small stomach a bit. She said it was full of wind. True because Aurora does not eat well these last few days.

Later, we dropped by Kak Anim's house not far away from there. Just to visit her and to see if she is alright. She is renting a small shabby 1 room quaters behind the local mosque. The husband was  away working, and there were some of her daughters at home making kuih raya. Actually Kak Anim used to be my gardener in my old office but even after I transfered to my new workplace I keep on contact because she is very dear to me especially after Aurora was born. She was the first to hold Aurora after she was delivered. She has no blood connection with us  but she is closer to me more than my own siblings. She has been very kind to me, to my kids and be a loving and caring  opah to Aurora.

She is not well, having fever more than a week. Still, she has to work. At her age she is supposed to rest at home, not working hard like now. She even takes small wages building or renovating house after finish working in the afternoon, still continue working even until late at night. I pity her..she is an old lady but has a strong will and determination to bring up her children until all of them finish school and some go to university.
However, I think it is high time for her to let the children take care of her and not the other way round. Sometimes, it irritates me seeing the her children never stop depending money wise on her. They  are supposed to let her relax and do something for her in return of all her hard work. She really wants to have her own house..if only I have a lot of money, I will build one for her.

I didn't stay long during our visit. I bought some tempeyek from her and gave her some money for Hari Raya coming soon. She cried..I cried. That money is not much to be compared to her kindness to us. It worths more to me..

Money is important, however kindness is invaluable.


 

The twelve day..

My children

Aurora..aksi tengok tv lepas makan kenyang..perutnya..lattt..hehe

Aksi bermalas-malasan..amboi anak dara ni..relax sungguh..

 I started the day as usual. However, today was different. My heart was heavy thinking that today, both my son and daughter were sitting for SPM and PMR trial exams. Both exams started today. I was worried about Am..he is poor in Bahasa Melayu whereas Ayuni is struggling in Maths and Science. They are siblings but they are different in almost everything..Am is good in Maths and Science whereas Ayuni the opposite. Ayuni is good in languages while Am poor in BM but excellent in English. Sometimes I asked him "Were you born in England? " Apasal BM teruk sgt?" I felt like wanting to cry ( yeah..me ..the mother) every time I had to tutor him BM especially when doing essays. However his English is fluent..even I was suprised when sometimes he uttered bombastic English words.

In the office I prayed hard every time I thought about them. It was easier when I was sitting for tests or exams. I was not that nervous. Am called me the day before telling me that he was scared. I am scared more, I think. But the last words before he hang up I told him, " Am, do your best. I accept every thing as long as you had done the best. Mak sayang Am" He replied, "Am sayang mak jugak". There..it is enough. You have my blessing my son. Ayuni..I dropped her at the school gate..she hugged me and asked me to pray for her. Of course my daughter. Every night I perform the Hajat prayer for you both. Love does not come only in words. Love has to be shown..with actions. If I could give  this world to you my children, I would gladly give it. Even if I have nothing else for  my self, I wouldn't mind because you are my world..everything else is come second.

Please Allah..listen to my pray. Show them mercy, show them the way to success. Grant them happiness now and forever. Make them be great muslims and show them the correct path.

Amin.


 

Ramadhan al-Mubarak is coming...

I am so happy and very eager waiting for the month to come. So happy because Allah let me live until now and will be able to perform the fast tomorrow. I have heard 2 of my acquaintances had passed away just before the Ramadhan. When will my turn come? Thinking about that makes me worry. I still haven't done much getting ready to face Allah. So, I am really happy Ramadhan is here. I am thinking to make use all the time I have during this month to be close to Allah. I will take all the opportunities to ask for forgiveness from Him.

I took leave today. I spent most of my time sleeping because I have been working so hard last few weeks. I played with Aurora, cooked and slept again. Feel relived to be away from office.

To all..please forgive me if I have done any wrong to you. Lets begin the fasting month with clean starting so we can perform our duty to Allah better.