Missing him..

Big brother


The house seems empty since my son moved to live in a hostel. Although the hostel is not far from home and we see him every single time the administration give permission for visiting..but still it is not the same..I miss him a lot..miss seeing him attacking his food with gusto( he loves to eat anything I cook )..missing seeing him watching Korean movies, animax..missing his smiles...missing the time I woke him up every morning ( he will wait until I come inside his room, he is awake already )..off the aircond..and missing to utter the sentence "am bangun..dah pukul 6 dah ni.."

He is my first child..a very special one.. I have so many terms of endearment to address him.. he is my Tan ( a short form of Intan)..Manja (Jer)...Sayang..or Am (short form of Idham..his real name). I call him with all these names until now even he is already a teenager..16 years old young man..The best thing he is not ashamed to be called "Manja" in front of others..That does not mean he is girlish or what..he is my manja since he is a baby..

I could see in his eyes he is missing home too..especially now he is not feeling well. He had fever later flu and now coughing. He is thinner and has a pair of tired eyes .The last time I saw him made me sad. I wish I could bring him back home with me. However I could not do so. He has to learn to be independant..to be more focus on his study..and to be a man..My son..I miss you but every single moment I think about you I will never forget to pray to Allah that you will be fine and one day you will be a man we'd proud of..even now you already are..

Starting again

It has been more than a week I have moved to the new office. Its odd,awkward..but I am relieved. My hypertension has lessen and I feel happier. Even I have tons of things to do..to learn but it's okay..I am fine and will be fine..

May Allah show me the right path..gives me strenght and will to start fresh..

The Final Goodbye...

Picture taken from Google

Today marks another important event in my life. I formally said goodbye to all my friends,subordinates and collegues. I have tried to imagine that day I finally go from here but it was not the same like the real experience. This morning I was given a chance to speak, to be given an honour to launch the bulletin. My tone was normal at first but when I mentioned the fact that today was my final day here, people could notice the choke in my throat and my voice crumbled..I admit I was happy to leave because I could not stand the stress here but I love some of the people there and I actually love the place. However when it was time to say farewell after 11 years working there it was hard..really hard..

I cried..everytime I hugged them..one by one..the words I reserved to say to them were gone.. I forgot the lines because I was busy wiping my tears..I know when they hugged me, they were really sincere saying they would miss me and they love me dearly because I too felt the same..

Goodbye my dear friends..all of you will sadly missed but your kindness and gracious efforts to help me all through the years will always be in my heart. May be one day I will come back there and this time as the head of the department..just may be..Until then..bye bye..

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?

Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Aurora is 6 months!

Within few hours Aurora will turn 6 months old. My baby is getting bigger..cuter..full of tricks and brings us so much happiness and joy.

She is heavier and now feeds more milk and soft-blended rice with veggies. I try to alternately change her menus..sometimes with carrot or green veggies but I still limit her protein intake to only washed anchovies and no salt. So far she loves the food and I do not push her to take more than she wants.

I still remember vividly the day she was born..the day I took her home..the days and nights I spent in the hospital when she was admitted for jaundice..the sleepless nights when she had her wind problems..the first time she laughs loudly ( I was so pleasingly surprise)..every single moment I spend with her is so lovingly cherished..

My baby..I love you so much and I can not thank Allah enough for giving me you..the best gift ever in my life.

My son called at 6.30 am today. He spent the first night in hostel. All along the night I kept wondering how was he...waiting for his call..worrying he could not cope living in new environment. When finally he called, I was so relieved..Thank God he was okay and seemed to face no problem at all. However, we feel lonely..missing him especially my hubby..He has lost a friend to talk to..manly talk..a friend to play badminton in the afternoon..a friend to play computer games..a son..

We will have to go on with a bit of change. We will get used to it..some how. Thank to Allah, our lives are on the right tracks and we feel blessed. Alhamdulillah..

The parting...

The first time I sent my child to a boarding school..

My son had several times go for camping, sleeping outside my home, away from me but never like this..This time he is going to stay out for a long time..at least two years. I had strongly hold to my stand that no child of me ever going to stay in hostel..will never be. However I had changed this time since I feel my son needs to focus on his study. Here at home he will spend more time watching tv or playing computer games. He is the first child and we, especially my hubby put high hopes on him.

Coming back from registering him I feel at lost. I kept calling his name even though I meant to call my daughter. My hubby laughed at me for making the same mistake again and again but I could see he too experiences loss. A big loss..and loneliness. He and my son are very close even though they are not blood-related. They are closer than father and son..they are more like friends..I am sad to see the separation but happy because my husband's wish comes true and all his efforts to make sure my son gets the best education had paid off.

My son..we all love you and miss you. I love you the most..study well..make me proud..make ayah happy..

Busy and busy..

Been busy this whole week..I need to quickly finish all my work before I go. Then on Monday my hubby at home received an big envelope..my son got an offer to a boarding school here and has to register latest by next Monday. Then it all started..busy shopping..doing medical check up..all those forms to fill up..so tiring. And me with all to finalize at office..some more with these could not get enough rest..finally on Thursday I took mc because I could not take it anymore. My BP rise up and I could not sleep well.

By today things have cooled down a bit. I went to report to the new office and will start officially next Monday. I sent the letter of postponing the transfer coz I still have tons and tons of work to finish up..before I finally say goodbye..

I hope I will go through the next week in a breeze and still maintain my healthy condition..Thank Allah for giving me strenght..for making things easier for me..for giving me so much gifts and blessing..Thank You for making my husband so happy when his loving son got the offer..I know he has been hoping for that. Thank You.