I am not happy

Been here nearly three months. One thing that is clear to me..I am not happy. Not happy with the people here..not happy with their attitude..their big mouths ...not happy with myself.

How I wish I am married with a big shot, then I can stop working..concentrate with my hobbies..looking after the family well being. Many times when troubles come..when people start gossiping..when I see the sour faces of several ladies's officers here, I feel I want to fire them or at least say few irritating words to let go my stress...but, I am not like that..I have to pull myself up and go on with my work.

I am not happy with myself too. I am looking for troubles ( which I have more than enough). However I could not stop the feeling..I want to spend time with him..I don't want much..just want to know that he like me too..damn..why..why now?

What am I doing?

That is the question I am asking myself now. Can't help myself but I think I am looking for trouble. How many times I have reminded myself not to..but finally I succumbed to that initial intention. How wrong but how nice...

Time to move on..

I always keep my old working place close to my heart. I still care about it and of course still care about all the people there especially when I thought they are still my friends..

Apparently it did not happen to them. With all things happened with them being so busy with work, they have forgotten me. My feeling towards them is not reciprocated..only me..not them. Well..what can I say..people change..it is true.

It's okay with me since that it is normal in this life. Starting from now I better think more about myself and will not consider much about others. Let them settle their own problems and let me move on with my new office here. Come to think of it..much better if I cut down communication with them. I will be happier.

9 months..

In a few hours Aurora will turn 9 months old..my baby is growing up! She is taller,heavier and becoming more anxious to explore her surroundings. She can't be kept still..she wants to touch everything and tastes anything. Her senses are getting stronger and her eyes follow my movements every where. She does not want to lie down..she wants us to carry her and show us all. She seems to be very curious with tv and the fan remote controls. She watches the tv screen intensely when it shows interesting actions. She opens and wriggles her two hands quickly as a sign that she wants to be picked up. She wrinkles her nose and blows hard to show that she is bored and wants attention. I love to see all these and savour every single moment with her. I will always look at her especially when she sleeps..my baby..how I love you so much..

She eats twice a day now and sometimes can finish a big bowl of rice porridge. I tried to change her menu but apparently she is stuck with anchovies and vegetables porridge. She does not like chicken or fish in her food. I am thinking on how to change her appetite to be a bit more adventurous. However when I analyse her father's orthodox appetite I am not surprise that the daughter follow suit. Like father like daughter.

A little about me and my new office. I am getting used to my new place. I have learned that anywhere you work there will be problems which are caused by humans. I too have learned not to put my nose in that pot which demands me to mind my own business and at the end of the day I want to go home happily and to forget all about works at home. In my small house I can get all the love I want. I am content. Thank You Allah. Thank You.