When I chose to get back, I had a spare thought that this time try not get overwhelmed or overdoing things. But being me..the person with abundance of love and cares will not stop by giving just a tiny bit of attention and love..Instead, I gave all..I never hold back my feelings. That human is the person I love with all my heart..not just a mere acquaintance I meet every day.
Then yesterday, it all backfired to me. I get burned. However this time, I was the one who pulled the full stop. It was so hard and so painful. However, I could not stand it any more being second or third every time. I had experience this the last time but now I told myself that this sacrifice is a MUST. I have to take care of my feelings..and his. Rather than putting two persons in the sad situation and making him uneasy with my wanting his attention and he could not respond to my needs, then it is better that I go.
I am sad. I cry. I could not do things. I could not eat. My BP raised up until I could sleep the whole night.
What kind of suffering this time?
And how long should I take this time to get my self healed?
" La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minaz-zalimin"
There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers.
Till then..and I do not know when..
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