Merajuk..

When we have reached certain age our feeling is playing a sensitive game. In my case, I become more perceptive and my mind speaks more than my mouth. In many occasions even in meetings, I keep my mouth shut because I do not see any importance in giving opinion. People I am dealing with know what they are doing so let them be.

However if I have played my part in coaching and mentoring them, I assumed that they would pay me certain respect.  Not that I wanted to be given special treatment but at least do not humiliate me and worse put me in sad situation.

I knew that this headmistress would hold an event where she would present her ideas in a special program. I received a letter asking for my presence in the event. I presumed that it would be no problem since that I came to the school quite often as I was the coach. I quickly finished my coaching with another head and headed for the mosque for Zohor prayer. I drove to the school as to attend the event within 30 minutes. When I reached the hall, all  chairs are tagged with guest names. It was clear that the administer had a specific and limited guests list. I looked for my chair..it was none. It was quite embarrassing with me looking around for my chair since that I THOUGHT I was one of the important person for that event because I am the coach. Later I learned I received the invitation letter because they actually invited someone else. Apparently he could not come, so I was only supposed to sit on his chair as a replacement.

I was very sad. I could not sit on that chair and pretend that every thing was all right and keep smiling. This time I followed my heart. I walked out from the hall before the event started even they tried to cajole me to stay. My heart sank, and I felt so humiliated. Was I too sensitive? I did not think so. Such a carefully prepared event..and if I was not wanted in the first place, better I leave. In the car driving home I could stop the tears from spilling my face. I wiped it away all the way home because I did not want my husband notice it.  It was my first bad experience with my new job. I refuse to go again and this time I will take care of my own feeling.

My partner said I was too sensitive and that was just a small matter. However, the same thing happened to him recently. This recent incident was a big blow to him..a MAN he is but still he experience the sadness like I used too..feeling terrible. I did not want to return his words to me before but yeah..now you know how I felt that day.

Till then..

My princess is 8 years old..

My love..

Last Saturday October 6, we celebrated Aurora's birthday. She is 8 years old. How time flies. She has become a young girl..becoming very pretty and smart. How I love her so much...Looking back at the reason I started blogging is because of her. It means that my blog is at the same age. However the difference between the two is massive. One is growing and the later is dying out of neglecting.

I have tried hard to continue writing. I make sure at least there would be an entry a month, still I could not make it. Sometimes I do have free time, but I spent it on sleeping or just reading. Not to say that I do not have ideas. I do..sometimes too much until it wanted to burst in my head. There are to many...too many things that had happened in my life since I moved to this new and I hope the last working place. I simply would say no to any redeployment ahead. I had enough..I refuse to move any where even for any promotion. I was called to fill up the form for promotion..later I would need to go for an interview to fill up any promotion in my department. After the meeting, I chucked away the file and forgot it. I had come to a soft landing..even it takes years more to go.

One thing that makes my mind working extra hour. Infidelity. Thankfully it is not about me. Its about my close friend alias my old colleague. The husband for nearly 26 years has been playing a 'love game' with another lady in the same office. The other lady alias the stupid bump used to be my subordinate in my old office. She is a single mother of 2, still young and the most important factor is she is a swindle. I used to advise her that she should get married since she had many admirers, one of them was a single man. However, single man did not interest her...she preferred married man. The reasons were not known but may be married men are more stable in income, and making wives crazy and suffer is one of her favorite past times.

The painful journey of a wife who has found out that the husband is cheating is unbearable. I had an experience about it and it took me 5 years to accept the fact that  the kind of husband was not worth while and I found out that if you could fell in love, you too could fall out of love. How to? Easy...(it took 5 years to know)..love yourself more  and love God to the fullest. Allah will ease your pain..and that is true. I am the living proof..I suffered, I cried, I prayed, I moved to be the person I am today. Not 100 percent a success story..but I LIVE. Unfortunately, when this happen to my friend, I could not do more that just lending ears and asking her to be patient. How to force out love that has been embedded deep deep down in a heart of a kindest person I have ever met? How?

Love is a powerful tool for people to move the world and also the most powerful knife that kill the world.


Till then..

                       Courtesy of You Tube

An ecstatic moment..

I love English language - writing in English and use English when speaking. However, I love Malay songs more than English songs, especially the old Malay songs, even the  1950 's oldies. I was not even born yet during the years but I know quiet a number of the songs and the singers of that time. This love is helped a lot by listening to the radio channel..Radio Klasik. While I was cooking in the kitchen, I always tuned in to this channel and the songs aired helped me to complete my task and at the same time tuned in me into memory lane.

When listening to the songs, my mind would immediately fly to the time when I was growing up in the Felda settlement. The time when the only entertainment you could get is the radio. The songs played by the DJs remind me the happy days..the sad days..the struggle..the pain..and the lost.

I was cooking yesterday for breakfasting, was trying to open up the lid of the oil bottle when I heard through the radio  the announcement of the winner of  a writing competition ADILA. I heard the first name of the winner, and suddenly the DJ mentioned my name next. I was numb and the next second I did not hear anything..just screaming and called my husband telling him..I won..I won. My story would be aired on the fifth Hari Raya..I was so happy and jumped with joy. Finally, it was proven that I have some talent in writing...

The next day, the producer for that segment called me. She was interested with my story and asked me to write more, may be this time writing the drama script. Ohh..I was estatatic..and that was one of the happiest days in my life..

          https://myklik.rtm.gov.my/radio/klasik

Till then..Eid Mubarak to every one. May this be the happiest day ever to all my readers.

Making a move..

Life is changing fast..

It has been several months since I moved to this new work space. I had never doubted that life here would be easy. I knew it would be a new challenge for me, of course new people would deliver new problems..giving new experiences.

So far, my life is not completely changed. The only thing that changes is the different approach in delivering ideas and giving help. Last time, it was a very close knit society with a focus to deliver the best and to expect the best from our clients - students. Now, my clients are the top administrators with focus of digging out the best from them so that they could give the best to their clients - students.

Through that process, of course I expected I would meet many people and would learn the true colors of human being. As been said by Spinoza in The Ethics ..." the submission to passion is human bondage but the exercise of reason is human liberty.." Yeah..many cases of human weaknesses. Sometimes human leaves me in awe..To this age, the 5 series, I should not be too surprised with human acts, attitude, personal attributes etc...but I do get surprises which making me asking myself..am I not experiencing enough in life? I have learnt something that is in many cases I am still naive ..to easy to trust people..and I learn a BIGGER thing...that however good you are in anything, ALLAH The Almighty is the best planner.

Hurm...let time pass..lets be older and wiser. Let the six years flies quickly..

Till then...

The Carpenter.. We Only Just Begun You Tube

Jacob

He is not only our pet..our cat..but more like a family member which I trully love. Never we keep a cat before..even I was worried that keeping a cat would trigger my asthma attack but somehow I survive. We feel happy looking at his action running here and there making our house a complete circle of home..a family wit a pet cat..Jacob.

Jacob

My pet cat..

Life is..

Life is...
A long track somewhere
which is..
our final destination.

Life is..
A test of patient and diligence
on how strong is
our faith to our Creator.

Life is...
a beautiful canvas
on which we put our talents
to design and to put color
of memories.

Life is..
a house in which
rooms are created
with lights or left dark
to suit or journey
to the afterlife.

The best Nasyid to show love to Prophet Muhammad SAW

Ya Nabi Salamun Alaik  Rabbani

                                                          Courtesy of You Tube