La Tahzan..

Ever since that event, my mind is slowly, painfully tuned to my normal life.

I kept doing my usual tasks..still going every where..trying my best to help my clients, talked, joked..laughed..all but still when I am alone..in my room..in the car, I cry or at least think..and be sad. Nevertheless, I make sure all my tasks are completed accordingly..

This grieving process making me thinking a lot..on people around me..on my reasons of existence..on my future..on my feeling..on the way I look at the nature of my eternal destiny ..on the way I show my faith to Allah's fate.

I have decided to let go..

However hard I tried to maneuver my fate..to have worked my best to get what ever I want..to pray diligently on things I want to achieve..BUT Allah is The Greatest Planner..

I have decided..after I have done my best, I would just follow what had actually decided upon me on the  Loh Mahfuz, my Book Of Decrees..

I would simply let Allah Decides..

And I keep on listening to this song...

Truly I miss HIM so much..

From You Tube

Oh Allah, set right my faith which is the safeguard of all my affairs,

And set right for me my world affairs wherein is my living,

An set right for me my hereafter on which depends my after life,

And make my life a source of abundance of every good,

And make my death a source of protection for me, protecting me from every evil,

Oh Allah! Make the best part of my life the end of it,

And the last of my deeds the best one,

And the best of my days, the day I meet you,

Oh Allah! I ask of you the best whilst living,

And ask for a good death,

And not a shameful or embarrassing return,

                                         And forgive me Allah for I have sinned..forgive me..

I am not healed..yet

Google Image

 Yesterday.

 I braced my self and off to the office..hers.

 Spoke for 2 hours...and all the time,  I looked and stared at the person closest to him..trying to read   and to understand..

 I keep telling my self, she is kind..and pretty..and I am the opposite. She has the right..every right ....and I don't have..none what so ever..

 I thought I was strong enough..but driving back home, passed by his house and saw his car in the garage..I broke down...crying hard..all the way home. Went into the shower..as to swallow my sound of weeping and sobbing..

 And I spent the whole day crying and crying...until early the next morning..

 I could not take it any more..I prayed really hard to Allah..."Allah The Almighty..help me please..please heal  my  pain...I could not be like this..it is so painful..please"

 Mysteriously, almost immediately I stopped crying...

 "Robbi Dholamtu Nafsi Faghfirli"

  

  Allah, I have wronged my self, please forgive me...

Time heals..

It has been nearly 2 months..
My heart breaks..still..
My mind keep on playing the same old stories..conversations..expressions..the happy time and then the saddest moments..and then now..the misery

However, as time has passed..the pain is not really that intense
Even  though it is very much in my mind but I am trying my best to move on...

I am missing.. a lot..and I know it is the same with the other half..

Let's us suffer..let's enjoy the suffering because this is what we expect to happen long before every thing starts, at least my self.. I know..the only thing I had never expected is the pain..

To Allah I give myself fully..He holds my heart..my life story..my journey..
He will heal me..

I have only HIM.

From Youtube

My baby is nine years old...

Aurora ..

There are so many gifts I have received
in my whole life

However, the best ever I have received,
is the one from Allah The Al-Mighty
The one who had celebrated her ninth birthday
last week.

Happy Birthday dear Aurora.
We all love you so much.

Thank you for being the source of my happiness
all through out the years of
my life...

The mourning month..

                           

                                                                                    From YouTube..

     Today the last day of the month..which marks the last day of my mourning of my heart break..

     By tomorrow October 1st, I should be able to move on..

     I have asked Allah of the reason behind all these, but until today I have not yet discovered the       reason beside that it is actually a test for me..a wake up call..a call from God asking me to go back to the right path..the path I have diverged for quite sometime this year 2019.

     How painful was the toil, how I whimpered, moaned, wept like never before..only God knows..

     True, the best medicine is to forgive and move on. However, it was very perplexing..an unpleasant thing to do..

    Until then..let's suffer..and let's enjoy the torment and anguish to the last..


 

Heart breaks...

                                                                     "He was never mine,
                                                         but losing him...broke my heart"

There are many words and articles to describe the heart breaking things but for me, no words could describe mine. I am not saying this incident was so special to make my world come tumbling down, but the pain was excruciating until it was really visible..my heart was really intensely  in pain.

If only I know...

Allahuakbar...

Allah..The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful..please ease my pain..

                                                   
                                                         Courtesy of Youtube

Silence..again

                                                  A matter of the heart....    From Google



It has been two weeks..

Sometimes I wonder..is this the other way to say goodbye or the stopper..?

Why do people can be so cruel, anomalously avoiding discussion..? Is the heart was made of stone?

Never in my life I acted this way, and I should congratulate my self for never been so adamant on something..but I learn in the hard way some people can actually do that..

I am a strong headed person too but I will never be so cruel and thoughtless.

And I was so unlucky enough to have met, and to have to deal with this kind of people.

However, each and every heart is hold by Allah The Al Mighty. Let Him decide whose heart is to be melted and whose to be hardened.

Whatever, I will not regret...and that person will.