New Year..2012

Every new year eve I will always remember the night,the time,the moment I celebrated the year 2000 alone...twelve years ago. It is a long time ago..but to me it had only happened yesterday. The year 2000..it was quite a talked-about new year because the world changed to the new millennium..the number 2 took over number 1..2000 after 1999. At that time I was in Kuantan..left alone with two small kids.. while he was running after a new love. Well..it was a sad time of my life and now after 12 years I had never expected that I too could be happy and content like I had wished for that miserable night.

On the second day of this new year we woke up late. Immediately I went to the kitchen to start cooking nasi lemak. Idham is going back to the hostel a day earlier than the rest of his friends because he wants to help his teacher in the co-op. And now..after he has gone I feel lonely and missing him a lot. When he is at home he seldom talk..he likes watching TV or playing games but the fact that he is at home comforts me. His presence is enough..but now he is gone. That's why I feel awkward. I miss him until my husband notice and willingly drives me around the town..around his hostel...at 10.30 p.m ( which he rarely willing to do) ..to ease my pain. Oh dear..I can't imagine if he is gone further away from me..I will be broken down with sadness. Sigh..

My children...now I think I need all of you more than ever..

2011 will end soon...and soon Aurora will turn 15 months..

Few days to go before the year 2011 says goodbye to us.... As for me the year has brought along many changes in my life..and our family's lives. I transfered to a new office..met a lot of weird and some disgusting people ever in my life. Besides, my family changes a lot too. My daughter's being an adolescent has created many unhappy stories which produced a lot of tears... My son has moved out to stay in a hostel..a boarding school a stone throw away from my house but still I missed him a lot. The biggest change is Aurora. The house is cheerful with her crawling here and there..leaving her trace behind..books thrown on the floor..her toys lying everywhere..squealing with laughter and giggles..We are very happy and blessed with her existence..she is truly a gift..a gift from God. Until this moment we have adapted with changes..day by day..some happy and some brokenhearted too. I have got new illness ..hypertension, which is a burden to me. It began because of stress with my old boss. Until now I am taking medication..all because of that lady..

My hubby..still the same person he is. That is one of the greatest gift to me from Allah..the fact that he has never change. Still the same man I first knew 10 years ago..loyal and loves me so much. Our arguments compared to previous are shorter and not so irritating. May be he is getting older..yeah..soon he will turn 40..But wait..life begins at 40 for men..Goodness..please don't!!! I had enough..spare me from disloyal husbands please.... Another reason is may be because Aurora is here. We can't prolong our arguments coz we need each other..and Aurora needs both of us and her sister too (who adores her)..and her big brother( who cares for her very much). We are one family..together we stand supporting each other. I love them very much..

During meeting today, I was quiet, doing my things and not bothered by the lots. I will be in this way forever. I am very frustrated with them and it's quite difficult for me to reconcile. Let's do our work..okay. No more no less. And I what I think about them personally, let me personally keep it inside.

Goodbye 2011. May 2012 brings more happiness for me. I know problems will pursue but with patience and God's grace I will manage somehow. Grand us health so we can serve YOU better..be a hardworking worker..a good mother..a loving wife..an understanding sister..a caring daughter..and mostly an obedient servant to YOU ALLAH.

Allah..please gives me courage to change things I can change
Patience to accept those I can not
And wisdom to see the difference between the two..

The First Step

My baby has started to walk!! She has taken her first few steps today...! I am so excited..so happy. She is already 14 months old. Other babies have started to walk even after 10 months old. My baby is quite slow in that. Her front two teeth just come out..so sweet to see her smiling. The house is lit up with warmth and happiness when she was squealing in delight walking around the living room with the guidance from the brother or her big sister. That sight is forever cherished in my heart. We love u so much my baby...Aurora.

Work..work and work

I am doing my work at the moment. Just taking few minutes to scribble something in my blog. I know my blog is a not a popular blog with many or for some blogs..hundreds or even thousand of readers or followers. I am content if I could take some time to express what I feel in a few sentences. Not every day..no..I don't have the luxury to do that. The time I could spend updating my blog was stolen when me doing my office work..after Aurora has slept or when my hubby is watching tv. If she wakes up..there goes my work..laptop shut down..whatever work abandoned. She it the priority at home. She will be the first every time.

Tomorrow my hubby will send my boy to the clinic to have his teeth fixed with the complete braces. Starting tomorrow he will be in a very uncomfortable situation and even to be in excruciating pain. Thinking about that making me nervous and worry. I don't want to see my boy in pain..I don't have the heart to see him suffer. I know I am too soft on him whereas he does not like to be pampered or pitied. However, a mother is a mother. I can't stop being my self. I love him..he is my son. Whatever I do now is for him..I want him to be happy and gain the confidence to talk or to smile to others.

My Sg Petani's sister called yesterday asking about my holiday plan. We don't have any plan actually. My mission is to finish my work and completing fixing my son's braces. Moreover, any plan needs money and money is one thing that we don't have much at the moment. Hehe..Another reason is, I am too tired to travel any where with Aurora getting more active day by day. The last time we went to KL, I had my body ached all over after we came back. Taking care of an active baby in a car needs a lot of energy..and I don't have that too. So, stay at home..that's the best option so far. That is holiday for me, even not so for my kids.

One thing that stuck in my mind after she hang up the phone was about my youngest sister in Johor. The one who broke my heart, destroyed my life, making my suffer for so many years..Yup..that one. I knew she was not happy last time I heard about her..but I do not know that she is still not happy now. Allahuakhbar..Allah..You are the Greatest..only You knows..we are just Your humble servants..thank You for making me suffer before..and later pitying me and now granting me much happiness. Thank You.

Latest updates

There have been many things going on in the past several weeks until I could not find much time to read and what more to write here.

My son had 4 of his teeth extracted making way for braces. We had visited the clinic several times and this coming Wednesday the braces will be put on. Actually it was supposed to be today but we missed the app since I was busy with work. I will make sure I won't miss the next one.

Aurora is not feeling well. She caught flu and fever but it is not that bad. However her flu still disturbing and causing her to be cranky. I missed her chatter and lively smiles. The god news is she has started to stand on her own and trying hard to make her first step. She is not confidence but keeps trying. Suddenly it hits me..my baby is growing..bigger and now is a toddler..no more a small baby whom I first brought home from hospital more than a year ago. How time flies..and me getting older day by day. My body is getting weaker and my mood is swaying sometimes. I wonder it that symptoms of menopouse ..(sigh)..well..it's about time..

My Aurora will be 14 months tomorrow. We celebrated her birthday at home. Actually it was a simple but meaningful dinner because we just want it to be a family affair. I don't want to share the moment with others...only us.

I went to office today and I met that person. We did work..and I with mixed feeling..

I did it!!

Last Thursday I went to meet 2 important person and I said it all. The first person was quite understanding. He listened and only asked a few questions here and there. However the second person apparently had been fed formerly with some wrong information which made me difficult to tell him the truth. This made me miserable. I strongly disagree to the fact that he was bias when giving a statement. He was not in my place and by listening to only one side of story made him a lousy administrator. I wonder why this world is full with these groups of people..worse when they hold higher positions in any organization. No wonder my state is one of the lowest achievers...

And yesterday I received an important news. The movement has started. One of my colleagues has received news that she will be moved to another office. I am sad until today since she was not happy to be transferred and me too. Nevertheless I knew it has to happen because the situation has become under control and I had no choice. Now I am waiting for other movements which for me are critically needed to save this organization. I know I am not the the first boss but whatever I did is for the sake of this office. I had to even I hate to do it. And that's why I despise politics.

Frust..

I am really frustrated..

If only I can get the person who wrote the the letter..I will show her (definitely it is a she)..who is the boss!

I will act with wisdom..I will wait..I will know who is that..then that person will get it from me..I promise she will get a full blow from me..just wait!